1. Gently stroke a rat in front of numerous flashing cameras.
2. Have middle-aged women try and come in for a pash while you're on the job.
3. Wage war on two Yorkshire Terriers just because you can.
4. Issue a one-word press release.
5. Groom each other in the middle of a press conference.
6. Sit in Parliament and casually count your money.
Counting his money #auspol @abcnews @ABCNews24
8. ... or try to create Jurassic Park.
9. Eat raw onions like it's no big fucking deal.
10. Eat your own earwax as an interesting choice in snack.
View this video on YouTube
11. Chat about your favourite lettuce like it's the most important part of your life.
12. Quote Taylor Swift in parliament.
13. Take a casual helicopter ride to a fundraiser a mere 80km away.
BREAKING: Sky News declare they're extremely happy with overqualified traffic reporter Bronwyn Bishop. #ausvotes
14. Smash an Italian marble table at your own farewell piss-up.
15. Take part in the greatest reality show of our time, The Killing Season.
16. Aggressively ignore science.
Timelapse of last 72hrs at #Narrabeen showing phenomenal erosion #SydneyStorm @UNSWEngineering @abcnews
17. And pretend to understand the struggles of every day Australians, while owning numerous properties, earning a high income, and fully sick pension.
