Missed The Bachelor, or woke up 30 minutes into the episode with no idea what the fuck was going on except there was a camel there?!
We opened with the ladies sitting around, very casually, with no idea that Osher was about to stop by. They talked about how weird it is that there are only 10 of them left.
I mean, I guess it is weird when your boyfriend dumps your other 12 housemates, and sets them free in the woods, and you have no idea whether they're alive or dead, or maybe they've killed each oth-... never mind.
The point is, tonight things were getting switched up and wait for it... the group date was happening first! Phew, this show keeps us on our toes. I'd just like to point out I'm 125% sure this scene was filmed after a cocktail party, because the ladies still had their full makeup and false lashes on. I'll only answer to Detective Pritchard from now on.
Matty surprised four lucky ladies with their family members.
Osher pops up from where he was hiding in the oven, to let Matty know he can only pick ONE lady (and no parents) to spend alone time with!
The sun rises on another day, yet my heart is heavy. Anyway that has nothing to do with this episode, sorry, let's move on.
Dramatic music woke the ladies up to let them know they MUST make it to the kitchen.
A big noise vibrated from outside, and no, it wasn't my stomach rumbling. As it turned out, Matty rocked up on a camel, yet we still have no idea if it was actually the camel or Matty that made that noise.
Tara was picked to go on a humpy ride with Matty, which was her SECOND single date! Tara's never ridden a camel, which makes sense because before her first date with Matty she had never ridden a bike either. Seems like Matty loves to take Tara for a ride! ;) ;) ;) ;) ;). Thank you, thank you, that's what my dad would call "a terrible joke, Tahlia".
The producers set up a Moroccan-themed date just down the driveway from the mansion because, well, funds are tight. As the two tried three different types of teas before switching to alcohol (smart!), a BELLY DANCER appeared and she wasn't alone!!!
The belly dancer brought out Taylor Swift!!
At the cocktail party, Jen made a "smorgasbord" of desserts for Matty to sample.
Turns out she just lined up photos of herself in various seductive poses. Nah, just pulling ya leg. She made real food. Real, delicious, food. No, you're the one licking the TV screen.
Tara and Matty entered stage-right, and Jen mentioned that they were holding hands like a "brother and sister" would. Like, sure doll, if you mean like Cersei and Jamie, then yes.
Matty loved Jen's dessert, which kind of defeated the purpose because he just kept eating instead of really engaging in conversation with her. He was kinda giving off the vibe that he hoped she'd fuck off soon, so he could keep eating on his own, maybe switch on the TV, put his sock-less feet on the table, kick back a little. Alas, no luck. As Jen talked about her feelings being hurt because she hasn't had a single date yet, Matty pretended to look interested in what she was saying. Let's just say the boy isn't going to win a Logie any time soon.
Osher entered with the shocking news that ONE lady will be leaving the mansion tonight.
Elora didn't give a fuck, she was too busy giving Matty sex-eyes from across the room.
As Matty called forward Caucasian woman after Caucasian woman, Jen had a ponder in her voiceover. "What else could a man possibly want other than dessert and a hot woman?", she asked. I don't know mate, maybe someone who's compassionate and kind? Or maybe just the dessert.
Anyway, we said goodbye to police officer Michelle, who started off so promising. Hopefully her police ride was still there to pick her up.