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We Watched The "Pretty Little Liars" Season 7 Premiere And Had A Lot Of Thoughts

We're the real victims here.

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1. Wait, what happened again last season? It’s been so long I’ve forgotten everything.

2. I’m like… not as excited as I usually am for new Pretty Little Liars.

3. The mystery of A.D. just isn’t quite the same as A.

4. Hopefully things get interesting real quick.

5. Oh, love to start the season off with a good old burial.

6. Spencer once again taking the lead.

7. What the hell is going on anyway?

8. Who have they murdered now? JFC this show.

9. I think they’re trying to make it look like Hanna is dead, but no way is Hanna dead.

10. I kinda hope it’s Ali.

11. Maybe it’s Jessica’s evil twin.

12. “It was a well thought out plan!” Knowing these girls, sounds fake, but OK.

13. The theme song still gets me every time.

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14. **Four days earlier** Here we goooooo.

15. Why are they all acting relatively calmly if they just spotted who they think is “Mrs D”?

16. Seriously, they are way too chill about this!

17. Never mind guys, Detective Toby has GOT this. Back at it again, with his awesome police skills.

18. When did they pick up some Apple watches? I don’t think they had them last season aka last night when Hanna was kidnapped.

19. First text of the series: “A lie for a lie, an eye for an eye. The bell tolls for Hanna - A.D.”

20. Where did the emojis go A.D.??

21. CALEB! GO RESCUE YOUR SWEET PRINCESS!

22. No way is Hanna actually dead.

23. Of course it’s a FUCKING MASK and not Hanna.

24. Are you kidding me?

25. IT’S A DOLL?!??!

26. Where did these come from?

27. I feel like a mask and human-like dummy like this would take, like, five years to make.

28. Also they would feel very different.

29. Legit how can y’all think a DOLL is a HUMAN BODY.

30. Honestly this show is making less sense than usual.

31. And that’s saying something.

32. IDK maybe it’s just me, but even the actors don’t seem to care anymore.

33. This whole thing feels weird and… boring?

34. Like what is even happening.

35. And why don’t I care?

36. There’s like, no stakes. Hanna will 100% be FINE.

37. Did they… did they seriously just write down who they think the killer is and put it in a BOWL?!

38. I thought they moved out of high school.

39. What an ingenious way to figure out who the killer is. THIS WILL SOLVE IT!

40. Detective Toby’s idea no doubt.

41. So, most of them said they suspected Alison, so it definitely MUST be her. (It’s obviously not her.)

42. And who thinks it was Spencer? Honestly.

43. Mona probably wrote her own name. Queen.

44. What about SARA FUCKING SHOWER HARVEY?

45. I.e. the one person known for wearing a red coat.

46. Guys, honestly, we’re seven seasons deep, you should know by now you absolutely suck at solving crimes.

47. Especially you Toby, and you went to some sort of police academy.

48. Ding ding, they got a pic of Hanna.

49. “She looks so scared!”

50. True, but she also looks like she's in some gothic, but very glam, photo shoot.

51. Ashley Benson could totally upload this to her Instagram.

52. Or write about it on her crazy-ass website.

53. Spencer still totally wants to bang Toby.

54. He got special police training on picking locks? Like, that’s what he’s been up to the past four years?

55. How about trying to solve the actual MURDERS Toby? Or did police training not take you that far?

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56. Elliot and Emily in the hospital is so awkward.

57. WHAT IS THIS SCRIPT?!

58. Elliot: “She suffered a psychotic break.”

59. Emily: “I don’t understand”

60. Elliot: “Neither do I.”

61. BITCH WHAT?!

62. You’re literally meant to be a doctor.

63. You just told Emily this is what happened.

64. What do you mean you don’t understand?!

65. This fucking idiot, honestly.

66. “Lethal dose of guilt.” WHAT A LINE.

67. OK so he’s probably injecting her with some sort of psychosis-inducing drugs. A classic tale.

68. Of course Spencer is using an app to learn every language in the world.

69. Every time Toby speaks a word in a foreign language, Spencer’s panties get a little wetter.

70. Ezra and Aria, snooping buddies.

71. Also fuck buddies.

72. I love how Elliot is just conveniently needing to open that box, while Ezra and Aria are in the closet.

73. I mean, Elliot isn’t even meant to know anyone is there, does he always walk around being so damn suspicious?

74. “Don’t be suspicious, dooon’t be suspicious.”

75. Do all doctor’s bags giant-ass knives in them like that?!

76. OMG these creepy looks he’s serving up.

77. “I detect disturbance in the coats! Someone must have been here!”

78. This guy has better instincts than literally any of the Liars.

79. That shot of him looking out the window just killed me.

80. Real talk, how did Aria and Ezra get outside?!

81. What is with this split screen phone call between Caleb and Spencer?

82. OMG Caleb don’t be a jerk to Spencer.

83. Honestly, last season their chemistry was hot but I am so mad it has now turned into a dumb love triangle where our faves come off as jerks.

84. I can never remember if Mona is good or evil.

85. I am still not fully over her being A tbh?!

86. She is the best damn character on this show though, let’s be real.

87. Why is A.D. - or whoever it is - is blasting Hanna with water?!

88. Well at least she’s getting a shower.

89. Is this night vision?

90. Wait, what are they approaching her with?

91. Are they trying to electrocute her???!

92. Goddaaaaaaaaamn.

93. Why is Mary Drake popping by to visit Spencer?

94. CHECK YOUR PHONE SPENCER.

95. Where is your Apple watch now?

96. The one time you need to be able to read a text in an instant.

97. WHY SPENCER. Why would you tell her you’re all alone?

98. “Where are your parents?” “On a cruise.”

99. Honestly Detective Olivia Benson, you can’t just disappear while your daughter is in the middle of a crisis.

100. So Emily thinks Alison killed Charlotte.

101. And is taking Alison waking up and saying “forgive me” as confirmation of this.

102. Emily, you should know better by now, you absolute dum dum.

103. Also, you have literally killed someone before. Chill out.

104. So Mary Drake hates her sister because she turned everyone against her.

105. “I was born first… she was born jealous.”

106. Excellent, this WHOLE SHOW makes sense now!!

107. Honestly what the fuck.

108. Mary leaves with the sage advice to lock the door, because “these days you aren’t safe anywhere.”

109. Bitch, if the girls were to take that to heart, they literally would leave Rosewood.

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110. Even when Hanna is missing Aria and Ezra just wanna go bang.

111. Aria, maybe you should return Liam’s call first?

112. Emily, why did you just lie to Aria about visiting Alison?

113. Poor, whipped Emily.

114. So she confides in the barista but not Aria. Makes sense.

115. I just had this sudden thought, Caleb and Mona would actually make an excellent couple?

116. Would ship it 10 times more than Spaleb.

117. How the hell is this creepy hotel still even in business?

118. 10/10 would not stay there.

119. OK so I'm not sure if this is a dream of Hanna’s, or just someone with a Spencer mask on.

120. Anything is possible these days.

121. But look, if this is someone in a Spencer mask trying to pry the truth out of Hanna, I am quitting this whole fucking show.

122. Because why else would “dream sequence” Spencer ask who killed Charlotte??

123. The fact that they’ve said they’re looking for someone who sounds “British or Aussie” makes me think it’s Hanna’s bae Jordan. He had the jankiest British/Aussie hybrid accent.

124. It’s weird that they’d specifically mention Aussie.

125. And all of a sudden, a bar in Rosewood has numerous potential Aussies.

126. Except Aria got distracted by some song, and of course, it’s an Ezra thing.

127. TFW when you’re trying to solve a murder, but your fave song comes on, so you run off to bone your ex.

128. I know we’re meant to be focused on Emily snooping, but Elliot looks really uncomfortable on the lounge right now.

129. Why wouldn’t he just sleep in his “wife’s” bed? I know he hates her guts, but still. He could wash the sheets first.

130. Also Emily, as if you wouldn’t wait until he was at work or visiting Alison?

131. Great, now Emily is having all these Alison memories.

132. I. Marlene writing these edits: “Let’s give all those Emison fans a reason to keep watching.”

133. Why did it take “Dream/Potential Mask Spencer” to make Hanna realise there must be an escape?

134. This dum dum.

135. But seriously, get out of there Hanna.

136. Yaaass Emily come clean to everyone.

137. Ezra looked low-key crazed when he asked if Emily recorded Alison.

138. “Why, yes Ezra, I did happen to whip out my phone, find the recording app, and record Alison in the space of the two second convo we had.”

139. OK, so good on Hanna for getting out but also, there is no way A.D. is smarter than A. Is everyone forgetting the underground doll house?!

140. Hanna, don’t stand in the middle of the road!

141. NO NO NO Hanna’s gonna get run over again!!!!

142. RUN HANNA RUUUUUUUUN.

143. So whoever grabbed the jacket is not Mary Drake, if she’s in the car staring at Hanna right now.

144. Is it Elliot, or is he still snoring on the lounge, in his weird uncomfortable position?

145. Ahh yes, Elliot is drugging Alison, what a plot twist.

146. TBH I thought psych hospitals would be a bit more secure than this.

147. This guy makes Wren look like the best doctor in the world.

148. RIP Wren.

149. He’s not dead but he’s never coming back to this show.

150. RIP my hopes for Wren.

151. This premiere was pretty underwhelming.

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