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    We Watched Episode 4 Of "First Dates" And Had Some Very Confused Thoughts


    Date one: Catherine and David

    1. Once again it's raining.

    2. Classic Sydney.

    3. There are no people in this restaurant, so what the hell is the bartender cleaning?

    4. Is David wearing an extremely long tie?

    5. Wait, it's just his shirt.

    6. But, why is it moving around so much?

    7. Catherine believes in fairytales and tbh that's where she's going wrong.

    8. "I believe in fairytales so that's why I'm on this strange reality TV show."

    9. Why does everyone on this show believe in fairytales?

    10. We're all adults guys, let's be real.

    11. "As embarrassing as it is, I'm quite a small petite person."


    13. I've seen Looking For Alibrandi, so I know that Catherine is telling the truth when she says it's hard being single with a big Italian family.

    14. Holy shit. He just ordered a vodka raspberry.

    15. He has the same taste in drinks as I did when I was 18.

    16. His fridge at home is probably filled with UDLs and Passion Pop.

    17. I can't stop staring at that vodka raspberry on the table now.

    18. It's become the new star of this show.

    19. First the bread, now the vodka raspberry.

    20. Now he's showing off and speaking in different languages.

    21. Wait. Did he just say he loves dick?

    22. Well done mate you just insulted a whole country AND told us you love dick.

    23. Wow, she's making him strip for her.

    24. He's loving this so much.

    25. Next thing you know they'll be ~talking~ under a napkin.

    26. "I just have to go to the toilet," aka go make a staged phone call in a bathroom with multiple hidden cameras.

    27. So natural.

    28. There's no point in being in a relationship unless you think you're going to get married????????

    29. How old are you mate?? 24 going on 40?

    Date two: Cheyenne and Andrew

    30. TWINS?

    31. Wait, is this like some Big Brother Logan-twin experiment?

    32. Are they secretly going to switch them at some point in the date and see if the dude notices?

    33. OMG they're Logan Twinning us.

    34. I have been waiting ten years to use that reference and finally the opportunity comes along.

    35. They better do this now, that'd be quality TV.

    36. I think one twin is here for moral support.

    37. Nope they're on separate dates. In the same room. A few tables over. OK.

    38. But why then wear the same outfit? This is gonna get confusing.

    39. Oh shit is that Pitbull?

    40. With hair like Sisqo in the early '00s?

    41. Why is he wearing sunnies at night?

    42. And how do you bleach hair that short without burning your scalp? These are the important questions I need answered.

    43. Sisqo has a great smile, but his bleached head is distracting me from it.

    44. Is it a prerequisite to have been to 25 countries before coming on this show?!

    Date three: Valery and Remy

    45. Remy has basically just come out of a five year relationship, so nah.

    46. He… looks like Bill Hader.

    47. Well, Remy is the complete opposite of Pitbull.

    48. But his South African accent is pretty off.

    49. OK he needs to stop, this is not a turn-on.

    50. The twins are going to the bathroom!!!!!!!

    51. SWITCH!!!!!!

    52. PLEASE!!!

    53. But first take a selfie.


    55. Ugh fine, don't switch. I'm done with these dates.

    Date four: Joel and Loann

    56. This guy just told us he loves Bali but honestly, he didn't even have to say that for us to know it.

    57. Omg this is too much already.

    58. Joel, "yeah like Bali, like get drunk, get tattoos, some are bad haha lol."

    59. K.

    60. He has his mates' handwriting tattooed on his thigh.

    61. I don't even know what to say.

    62. Joel is the literal stereotype of any guy you meet in a city like Wagga Wagga.

    63. Or the Shire.

    64. I bet he loves shredding for Stereo.

    65. Shit I love Loann. She hates feelings!

    66. Same. That's what I say anyway to distract myself from how single I am.

    67. Yaaaaaasssss tequila shots! These two are perfect for each other!

    68. Wow did these guys really just say "gay" about people who want to settle down?

    69. Channel 7... Really?

    70. It's 2016.

    71. Gay is not a synonym for bad.

    72. Get your shit together.

    73. "I'm not gonna eat… are you gonna eat?" Um. This is a dinner date. You're at a restaurant. Usually some eating goes on here.

    74. She does have a point though about eating in front of strangers, it can be a little off-putting.

    75. But only if you order nachos or rice paper rolls or a kebab.

    76. Just get fries or something girl.

    77. Hang on. She has three straws in her drink?

    78. Gotta get that maximum alcohol flow I guess.

    79. Tbh I think she's not eating coz of that age-old "eating is cheating" rule.

    80. Slows down that alcohol flow.

    81. This girl is my new problematic fave.

    82. Wow, they're on their third tequila shot.

    83. I can't wait to see their final interview.

    84. They're gonna have a second date for suuuuure!

    85. Wait. He has a kid.

    86. She does not look pleased with this information.

    87."You should probably tell me some shit about you." Wow she does not waste time.

    88. I love it, not gonna lie.

    89. I love this girl I wanna go drinking with her.

    90. She'd be the friend who bails you out of jail when you get arrested for something stupid.

    91. Whoaaaa, Loann's chat to the producer just went from 0-100.

    92. Poor girl.

    93. Joel and Loann are both sitting there trying to think of a semi-polite way to say "nah we don't want to date, we might drunkenly fuck later".

    94. I'm surprised they're still standing after all that tequila tbh.

    95. Of course they're going to meet up in Bali. OF COURSE.

    Date five: Kate and James

    96. "Kate is baaaaacck…"

    97. Everyone: "Wait, who?"

    98. Let's hope her date has better hair than Griff.

    99. Or at least doesn't make bad vending machine jokes.

    100. My ovaries just shriveled up and died seeing James dance.

    101. Why do they make them do some weird salsa dance across the screen?

    102. I hope they feed them free tequila shots beforehand.

    103. Wait, why does she think a double kiss is ~exotic~?

    104. Omg he shaved his cat into a lion.

    105. Pics plz plz plz plz.

    106. Let's be real though he seems like the kind of guy who would have a photo of his cat in his wallet.

    107. Oh cool another offensive stereotype. If you live with a man and a cat you must be gay.

    108. Great.

    109. "Adam better watch out," wow she's already controlling him and they're still on their main course.

    110. They're talking about the roommate and the cat more about themselves!

    111. Kate literally laughs at EVERYTHING.

    112. These two are totally in love.




    116. Wow they just said "going steady". Are we suddenly in the '50s again?

    117. They're pretty adorable though, I'm glad Kate found someone.

    118. And a new pet cat.