1. Omg here we go.
2. Guys, I’m so nervous.
3. You know they’re bringing us a good mid-season finale when our true queen Mona comes back.
4. Really though, they definitely should have called her at least five episodes ago.
5. Honestly, it’s like they don’t even want to be saved from this A.D. mess.
6. And now they’ve finally called the police, bless their little cotton socks.
7. It’s almost like they’re learning what you’re supposed to do in a life-and-death emergency: Call Mona, and at least alert the authorities for fun.
8. OK, seeing Hanna like this, she’d make an excellent bad guy tbh.
9. I am living for her black outfit.
10. She wants to cut him so bad, I can see it in her eyes, reflected in the knife. (What a subtle cinematic trick lol.)
11. Holy shit, she slashed him! Bitch is maaaaaad.
12. Bet she hasn’t tied that rope properly though.
13. Wait, Toby’s back?
14. Oh, he hasn’t actually left yet. Cool.
15. “Not sure how much of a threat a blind girl can be.” Obvs Detective Fury didn’t see the promo for this week of blind Jenna waving a gun around like a loony.
16. Also lol @ him being all “I know you and Spencer are old friends,” use your detective skills bro, that’s not my way of wording it.
17. I just died of second-hand embarrassment watching Spencer kiss Fury on the cheek.
18. You can’t just go around pecking 40-year-old men Spencer.
19. Daddy issues alert.
20. Did that lab guy really just ask Hanna if she was trying to rush a baby daddy result?? Dude, wtf.
21. I will go ahead and assume she’s testing Noel’s DNA against Mary’s, but honestly how did she get Mary’s DNA anyway?
22. And how did she make all these sketchy contacts? First it was a drug dealer peddling hectik sleeping pills, and now a cashed-up scientist.
23. Not sure why Mona is tracking Jenna’s call, she could have just sat right next to her considering Jenna’s IN PUBLIC AND ALSO VERY, VERY BLIND.
24. Omg Ezra’s stress stubble is back.
25. Bless Aria for acting like a sugar cream pie is going to cheer him up though.
26. Why wouldn’t Ezra want a lift from the airport? How much money is he making from these books that he can afford that cab fare?
27. Yessss Hanna, get that Mona help.
28. Hanna should’ve roped Mona in from the get go tbh.
29. Or at least got Mona to tie the rope around Noel.
30. I TELL YOU, I CAN ALREADY SEE HOW THIS KIDNAPPING ENDS.
31. Literally Hanna will not rest until she gets to cut Noel some more.
32. She wants to slice and dice that shit up. I mean, same though.
33. Oh, Paige is so sweet bringing cupcakes. They just better not be red velvet/laced with poison from A.D.
34. That would not reflect well on old Paige, would it.
35. Oooh Alison gave Paige the evil eye, and once again we are reminded that a real bitch never changes… or grows up, apparently.
36. “I couldn’t be more nauseated.” Uh ohhhhh. I see what you’re doing here PLL writers.
37. I love how Alison is so blatantly jealous right now, but also she’s the one that went out and got married?
38. Also, Emily and Paige were probably together ten times as long as Ali and Rollins were before that marriage.
39. Ugh I am so mad.
40. Tbh I would not ~not~ be sad if it was Ali who died in this episode.
41. Bitches have to learn.
42. Jfc I sound like A.
43. “They found two sets of footprints… there was a struggle.”
44. Shouldn’t they then be able to detect Hanna’s footprints left the site then somehow?
45. Well who knows, I’m not a cop.
46. I probably have about the same amount of knowledge as Toby though.
47. FFS Detective Hanna, the girl who fell down the stairs is the least of your concerns.
48. Oh wait, is she lying? She is.
49. Honestly, I was not even fooled by that, and I am stupid enough to still be watching this show.
50. I love how Hanna told Mona she hates lying to her friends but they all literally lie to each other ALL THE TIME.
51. Detective Fury isn’t even mad that Hanna led them on a wild goosechase? He’s like, “OK cool, just sign this statement then.”
52. These Rosewood cops are far too chill, which is probably why they never solve actual crimes.
53. Caleb’s face when he saw Hanna though is melting my cold, icy heart.
54. He is so mad at her but also loves her so much it is RUINING ME.
55. Damn, Jenna puts on lipstick better than I do and bitch can’t see.
56. I am very into this old Jungle Red reference though.
57. Mona never forgets.
58. Are Caleb and Hanna alone now?
60. Don’t lie to Caleb, Hanna. He knows you too well.
61. “I hate to break it to you girl, but you’re stuck with me.” Omg omg.
62. Ugh even when they’re fighting they still make way more sense that Spaleb.
63. “You don’t do dishes until they mould… you eat french fries in bed, cold.” Work on your poetry skills though Caleb, seriously.
64. This monologue is honestly almost at a 10 Things I Hate About You standard.
65. “You won’t admit that we’re meant to spend the rest of our lives together.” OMG BE STILL MY HALEB-SUPPORTING HEART.
66. This would honestly be a better proposal than Ezra’s tbh if he dropped on one knee now.
67. Guys, I’m so happy just end the finale now.
68. I have been waiting so long for this I may never recover.
69. Classic dumb, beautiful Emily staying with Alison after she was such a bitch to her.
70. Smarten up, girl. You deserve a better friend and/or weird manipulative love interest.
71. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD.
72. Alison is knocked up?!? To the mask-wielding psychopath?!
73. There will be a baby Archer and a baby Ali. WHAT A NIGHTMARE OF A COMBINATION.
74. That child will honestly go straight to hell.
75. Alison must be pretty far along then, given the fact she was in like, locked and tortured in the mental hospital for ages?
76. “This is not how i pictured starting a family.” So you never actually planned to fall pregnant to a psychopath, while actually being in love with your best friend, who’s basically juggling two girlfriends? You don’t say Ali.
77. If Emily and Ali end up raising this child together I will personally post a box of glitter to I. Marlene King.
78. Is it weird I kinda want Jason to drop by right now while Aria’s just moping around waiting for Ezra?
79. Seriously though, where is Jason?
80. Yo, Marco, did you check that none of your cops were wearing masks this time?
81. Has literally everyone else forgotten what happened to Ali when she was under “police protection”. Sigh.
82. Now, that is way too much food for two people.
83. “Two orders of spaghetti bolognese.” ‘That’s actually my favourite!”
84. Be more white Spencer.
85. Imagine Marco asking Toby: “How does Spencer take her ice?” and Toby actually remembering she likes crushed over cubed.
86. Jfc everyone on this show needs to get out of Rosewood and move on with their lives.
87. Oh, Haleb, how I do love thee.
88. He is ignoring her scars and it is the perfect metaphor for their relationship.
89. Caleb, bro, let Hanna keep her hair in the bun.
90. Don’t you remember what having long hair is like? That shit gets in the way.
91. I love how they always have a good fire burning whenever someone’s about to do the deed on PLL.
92. This is so perfect. End the episode here, please.
94. You just told Emily you’re pregnant and now you want to make out with her!
95. Emily. HO. DON’T. DO. IT.
96. HAVE SOME SELF RESPECT.
97. I don’t care if you guys are endgame, just process the pregnancy first?!??! Ya know??
98. Oh my god, I just remembered that Emily’s eggs were stolen and now my brain has imploded.
99. If Alison is pregnant with Emily’s eggs, I WILL DIE.
100. Jfc Emily deserves better than to end this show with Ali carrying her baby that was stolen from her by a crazed murderer.
101. I need a glass of wine. Or a bottle.
102. Where is Ezra?
103. I am so stressed.
104. OH MY GODNEY.
105. NICOLE IS ALIVE??????
106. Wait so Ezra never got on the plane home, and couldn’t even call Aria?
107. I don’t care that it’s a hard situation, that’s a shit move bro.
108. Aria watching the footage is so sad. :(
109. Ezra and Nicole did that Rihanna / Drake kiss, no one can really tell what was meant to happen there.
110. I am speechless.
111. And now a Spoby scene. Lord, I am not ready. I have been slayed enough.
112. I cannot process this many emotions in the one episode of television.
113. Honestly, I thought Toby had left and his goodbye to Spencer was that weird “I started building the house FOR YOU” Ryan Gosling thing.
114. Shows how much I know.
115. What is she giving him? A book?
116. Omg he remembers what she keeps on her nightstand just as well as he remembers her ice cube preference.
117. This is nice though. He does actually deserve happiness.
118. “Toby can I kiss you? Just one last time?”
119. Spencer that is… what?!
120. No Toby, don’t do it!
121. WTF is this scene.
122. Homewrecker Spencer, back at it again. Yvonne is totally going to see. Dear god, I cannot look.
123. Great, now Toby Gosling is going to build her another house or something. Jfc Spencer. You’re too smart for this bullshit.
124. Cause of death: Paige calling Emily her girlfriend.
125. Ohhh she brought her the job paperwork. :(
126. Paige actually cares about no-hoper Emily’s future, unlike Alison, who is probably inside making a list of Manipulative Deeds To Do Next.
127. YES PAIGE, CALL EMILY OUT ON THIS EMISON BULLSHIT.
128. I actually want to physically stand up right now just so I can bow down to Paige and that speech.
129. “What about what YOU need?” Omg Paige is saying everything I feel right now, what a queen.
130. Although Paige, not to dredge up really old memories, but remember when you tried to drown Emily that time?
131. That’s probably not good for her needs also.
132. Right, so Noel isn’t actually related to Mary. Oh dear.
133. I should know by now - whenever the girls think something is true, it ain’t.
134. Honestly, just when things were starting to make some kind of sense.
135. “I’m saying I have Noel tied up to a chair in an old warehouse.” What a line from Hanna.
136. Never a dull day.
137. Like Hanna kidnapped someone, tied them up, slashed them, still got hot Caleb sex all in 24 hours, and I barely managed to roll out of bed this morning for work.
138. Girl’s productive, I’ll give her that.
139. To be fair, Noel still deserves whatever he got from being part of the dollhouse thing, even if he isn’t technically “A.D”.
140. Literally there is no way on earth that Noel is still tied up I TELL YOU.
141. They need to let go of this Stairs Girl thing and focus on the fucking Doll House they were tortured in.
142. Get to the hotel now and make sure he’s still there.
143. Hell, take the cops with you. THEY ARE LOOKING FOR HIM ANYWAY.
144. Fucking surprise-surprise, he’s gone.
145. I don’t even have anything more to say on this right now.
146. Someone call Mona to come and sort this whole fucking mess out.
147. Ahhh a convenient A.D text just in time.
148. Honestly, that thumbdrive with the only evidence that Noel was actually working with Charlotte is not worth Hanna’s awkward home movie.
149. For professional liars, these girls really just aren’t that bright.
150. Oh, there are Mona and Caleb, just having casual coffees while the group they constantly keep from getting themselves killed are about to get themselves in another mess.
151. I will say though, if Haleb weren’t endgame, I would 100% ship Mona and Caleb.
152. Lmao, Jenna tapping around with a big hood on wtf.
153. Holy shit it’s Sydney. Another character we forgot about and never asked for back.
154. Literally Marlene must have been like “We need someone with Jenna’s lips” and someone replied “Remember that chick” and Marlene would have been like “No, but she sounds perfect!”.
156. Toby’s under that Spencer spell again and poor Yvonne has no idea.
157. The house is a metaphor, you idiot. This whole episode is a big old metaphor.
158. Toby, mate, if you’re gonna text your ex on the sly, at least turn off your keyboard clicks. And what's the bet Spencer's bought the house?
159. Whoa OK, Jenna’s voice just boomed over the speaker in this weird haunted mansion.
160. This house barely has lights that work, but as long as the loudspeaker is good to go.
161. “I didn’t lose my sight, you took it from me” - I mean, where’s the lie.
162. This is such a weird scene honestly.
163. If they didn’t copy the videos of the thumb drives, I will be so disappointed. I wish I could say I’d also be surprised.
164. “Was there a blind baby epidemic I didn’t know about” omg. What. A. Line.
165. Aria comparing this house to Tim Burton’s garage sale is perfect.
166. I feel like Tim Burton’s Pretty Little Liars would be lit af.
167. Someone get him to direct the final ten episodes, yeah?
168. Just as long as nobody tells him Emison is end-game it should be perfect.
169. “Oh no, I left my phone upstairs!” Emily honestly you dumb dumb, sometimes I wonder how you’re even still alive.
170. EVIL NOEL HAS ARRIVED.
171. “You know too much.” Weird sentence from Noel because the Liars always seem to know so very little at the end of the day. Like... they’re always wrong.
172. Who decided to give Jenna a gun though?
173. Why don’t they just duck down low and push her over? It honestly can’t be that hard to unarm a blind person, right?
174. “One thing Jenna taught me was how to smell fear.” Well, you didn’t smell those tables crashing in around you Noel.
175. But also Noel, what is your problem man? Y u do this?
176. “You bitches never understood me. I always get what I want!” WHAT DO YOU WANT NOEL?!
177. WHAT IS YOUR MOTIVE??
178. TELL ME!
179. Did he just…
180. Oh my lord.
181. He just impaled himself on his own axe didn’t he.
182. WAIT, HIS WHOLE HEAD CAME OFF????
183. So, Noel just literally decapitated himself with his own axe, that was being kept in a suit of armour, used to decorate a school FOR THE BLIND.
184. It’s honestly amazing Jenna didn’t trip over his head though??
185. If Jenna can smell fear, why is she not just shooting blind?
186. Can she smell me?
187. Because I am goddamn scared right now.
188. How did none of the Liars notice Spencer wasn’t with them until they got downstairs?!
189. Remember those shots bitches? Ever think about how it could’ve hit ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS.
190. Literally someone hurl Noel’s dead body to Spencer to use as a shield.
191. OMFG Mary Drake is here.
192. Guys this is too much, I’m about to go into cardiac arrest.
193. SHE IS SINGING LULLABIES TO HER.
194. Honestly, that’d send her to an early death just on its own.
195. “Spencer I would never hurt you, I am you mother,” Mary Drake, ya WHAT?
196. OF COURSE SHE IS.
197. They have the same hair.
198. If you have the same hair in Rosewood you are low-key almost always related or twins.
199. OLIVIA BENSON WHERE ARE YOU?!
200. YOU GOT SOME EXPLAINING TO DO!!
201. Actually Spencer’s dad has some explaining to do, dude, keep it in your pants????
202. Was he just going around dicking both the twins?
204. OMG Toby’s truck!
205. Guys, I can’t breathe!!
206. Is Toby as bad of a driver as he is cop? Or is this the work of A.D.??
207. And Jenna’s in the car with A.D??!
208. That means she doesn’t know who it is either.
209. Bet the bitch wishes she could definitely see now.
210. Holy motherfucking shitballs, this has to be the best episode we’ve had since the time jump.
211. Dear Santa, let A.D. be Wren, with Melissa as his accomplice, and I will never ask for anything ever again.
212. See you bitches in April for the last 10 episodes.