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14 Reasons Studying Advanced English Ruins You For Life

Analyse this.

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1. Your dreams become a weird mix of Shakespeare and real life.

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All of a sudden, you are in The Tempest. And it's a nightmare.

2. You actually cannot stop analysing every book ever, for the REST OF TIME.

CW

"Hmm yes, this character is very contrived."

3. And watching movies? Yeah, that will never be the same again.

4. Advanced English can make you hate what was once your favourite movie.

Paramount Pictures

Can I just enjoy Clueless without comparing it to Jane Austen please?

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5. It can lead you into a false sense of belief that what you are saying makes sense, when in fact you just sound incredibly pretentious.

6. On the plus side, Advanced English does give you the useful life skill of "bullshitting."

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7. "Hmm yes, obviously the character is wearing red because it's showing turmoil ahead."

Or you know. It's the unfortunate shirt he chose to wear on the day he nearly got murdered.
Warner Bros.

Or you know. It's the unfortunate shirt he chose to wear on the day he nearly got murdered.

8. "The juxtaposition of the cigarette shows Marlowe is calm in the face of danger."

Or his cravings were just severe.
Warner Bros

Or his cravings were just severe.

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9. "The Tempest, by William Shakespeare is a tale of illusion and skillful manipulation. This is why it's so similar to Fight Club, where 'Jack' finds his own mind manipulated and his reality distorted."

20th Century Fox

Bullshit, bullshit, dribble, dribble.

10. Advanced English can lead you to detest the classics, like Jane Austen and Shakespeare.

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11. It can make you never want to read some of the world's best books again, because you've just analysed them too goddamn much.

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12. Advanced English ruins even the things you could have enjoyed. Like Frontline for example.

YES. WE GET IT. IT'S SATIRE.
ABC

YES. WE GET IT. IT'S SATIRE.

13. It used to be exciting to hear the words "Class, today we're watching a movie." But when it was said in Advanced English? You definitely weren't in for a treat.

Warner Bros

"Don't pick on me to analyse this scene, don't pick on me please."

14. But never fear current students. Hopefully after five years or so, you'll slowly drop the habit of analysing every single movie you see or book you read.

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And if you're lucky, one day you can go back to watching or reading your prescribed texts again and enjoying it. Maybe.