1. On the drivers who freak out in the rain:
It's unfair to judge those you haven't met but you're a giant pussy if your windscreen wipers are going faster than the rain level requires.
2. On the classic single male joke:
On one hand, being single can be hard work. On the other hand, not so much. It just depends whether you're left or right handed.
3. On the relief of "all day" socks:
Wearing my 'All Day Socks'. Such a relief not having to change my socks every 3 hours like the rest of you idiots.
4. On flashback photos:
Kit Harrington's shaved his beard losing 4pts on the hotness scale. Ham had the same drop when he cut his rats tail.
5. And on this questionable hair styling:
Just remember @hamishblake that I remained friends with you through this questionable hair time. #TrueFriendship
6. On this rather accurate live music thought:
Are music artists aware the phrase 'this is one of our new songs' translates to 'everyone go get a drink & have a toilet break'? #jazzchat
7. On this emoji:
Finally finished all my Easter eggs... I'm so full of 💩*, I literally cannot eat any more. *this is chocolate yeah
8. On this Shannon Noll lookalike:
When your nephew leaves just enough food on his face to pull off the perfect Shannon Noll impression. #WhatAboutMe
9. On this handy explanation:
Lucky they put the "1 for" on the price, otherwise I would've thought is was the whole shelf of drinks for $3.
10. On this life hack:
Bar trick #43: Order two pints so it looks like you're waiting for a friend when you're just drinking by yourself.
11. On this relatable Friday feeling:
"I've had a long week at work guys, so let me just drink my wine and f*cken relax" - George #UncleAndy
12. On this supermarket tip:
Supermarkets should purposely make sure condoms don't scan at the self-checkout machines so teenagers have come in contact with an employee.
13. On this economic discovery we've all had happen:
It's amazing how economical you can be with paper when you've just finished on the toilet & see but only two squares left on the roll.
14. On finding out why girls really keep their boyfriends around:
Sometimes it slips into my mind that I'm just being used as a giant hot water bottle for my girlfriend at night.
15. On decoding this magazine story:
"The phone call she never saw coming." Woman's Day obviously did as they were there to get an up close photograph.
16. On comparing Twitter to... other activities:
Favouriting your own tweet is like the masturbation of Twitter. It's nice but more exciting if someone else does it.
17. And on this awkward Twitter suggestion:
Twitter, it's awkward to keep suggesting I follow this person. Guy Sebastian & I dated for a bit but it's over.