"Body type: Not bad but DEFINITELY doesn’t know how to say no to soft serve ice cream on a summer night."
"You: The Kissing Booth. Me, an intellectual: Alex Strangelove."
These tweets are silly or relatable, and sometimes they're both.
"The devil works hard. Kris Jenner works harder. Beyoncé works hardest."
"I’ve dated a lot of white guys which is surprising cause i’m a history major."
«Objectif : avoir le bac. Obstacle : le bac.»
"Ich mag offene Menschen." – Rainer, 43, Chirurg.
Is this what Black Mirror is like?
BEWARE THE GOLDEN ASSASSIN™!!!!!!!!!
"Cry me a table, Linda."
"Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it, let's do it, let's eat our young."
"SpongeBob dies in Infinity War."
Et bonne fête à eux !
I was not expecting that.
"Als erfahrener Vater suche ich das Mittagsgläschen für das Baby nach der Farbe seines Oberteils aus."
Auf Twitter haben sich die Leute #hipstersprichworte ausgedacht – und es ist unfassbar witzig!
Would you rather ride in a boring old elevator or in an uppy room?
La crème de la crème.
"My eight-year-old keeps saying, 'I hate to be the bearer of bad nudes,' and I haven’t corrected him because I think he makes an important point."
"Insane that we don’t have one long weekend each month."
«Beaugoss ça s'écrit pas comme ça.»
"So I started Stranger Things last night and hid behind a pillow for 55 mins. Jesus that’s intense."
"When bald people wash their faces how high up do they go?"
"When people talk about how much they hate salad, they always look at me and say sorry...like it offends me."
*everyone when Colton said he was a virgin*
Big mood. So many big moods.
La très grosse marrade.
"Hello, old friend."
These kids are gonna go far in life.
I'm so confused.
"I'm gay / straight / bi / just a poor boy and nobody loves me."
«Tu vas te contenter des chattes qu'on a en stock ok ?»
"Wenn man zum Elternabend einen Bierhelm anzieht, muss man nicht in den Elternrat."
You get out what you put in, which in this case, is failure.
«Toi tu vis, toi tu vis, toi tu crèves.»
Bonne fête des mères !
280 Zeichen Wahrheit
It's impossible to make fun of someone with a good sense of humour.
"By age 35 you should have a huge box of cables but you can't throw them out because you're pretty sure you still need a couple of them but you're not sure which ones."
This is sooooooo me!
Un mariage pas comme les autres.
"PERSON: you've gained weight since high school. ME: yeah you’re right I did!!!!!! Nice catch!!!"
"Why has Nawab Taimur not been invited to the Royal Wedding?"
I'm 101. My elderly and beautiful hands reach for my phone, my diamond bracelets clinking. "Siri" I croak," ASOS and sort from low to high."