"Did you go to the jim?"
The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. High.
"In class like, 'got 40 mins left. That's two 20 min halves. Just gotta get through 10 mins, 4 times.'"
Norddeutschland, nech? ❤️
"Querstreifen machen dick." – "Ich weiß, deswegen esse ich nach 17 Uhr keine Pullover mehr."
"I just remembered the word 'kumquat' exists."
The best of the best.
Sometimes things don't work out the way you expect.
"This is my book that I'm writing in real time. No publisher or publicist will tell me what to put where or how many pages to write."
The undisputed hall of fame.
Perfect for scrolling through while half-watching TV.
Y'en a pour tous les goûts.
"My wife hates snakes. But if they sold snakes at Target, we'd probably have a few snakes."
"Wake me up, when Coachella ends."
"I'm trying to tighten my casette tapes with a pencil" years old."
"I don't have a problem with straight people, I just don't wanna see it in public."
"I have plenty groceries in this house, it would be lazy as hell to order dinner." *opens Grubhub*
College had me checking my emails in the middle of a party.
"Deutsche, wenn jemand nach 19 Uhr Glas in Container wirft."
"Nein, ich bin nicht untervögelt. Ich bin wirklich so unfreundlich."
On ne s'en lasse pas.
De véritables artisans du plantage.
Heck, you might even relate to all of them.
"Jarrod would fall in love with a beige paint chart if it sat next to him."
This movie is going to wreck us all.
"Why on earth did they call it a jet ski, and not a boatabike?"
"Ah yes, a Twitter notification, that will provide me with 1 (one) serotonin."
Cats are just goth babies.
"Someone has a cavity in the car I'm in. I can smell it."
This is all me.
"A Wrinkle In Time deeply resonated with me because I, too, am on a desperate quest to find Chris Pine and bring him home with me."
Vinny for president?
What are we having for dinner?
"Celebrating Easter by looking like I've been dead in a cave for the last three days."
You do you...as long as it's from the sofa.
Twitter is wild, you guys.
"Cannot take Sheila Ki Jawani seriously after watching Wild Wild Country."
"If you could have dinner with any person living or dead, what Arby's would you go to?"
"Being an adult means you have a favorite laundry basket."
Real is real is real.
"Being attracted to men means at some point in your life you've pretended to be interested in watching someone play video games." — Ancient Twitterian Proverb
"I keep subtitles on when watching Netflix cause my fat-ass can't hear what's going on over the munching of snacks."
Funny and adorable.
"every morning I ask the dog "the usual?" before pouring her food into her bowl & neither of us thinks it's funny but that's showbiz baby"
The star later claimed that the photo she'd seen was doctored. However, she has a history of making incendiary comments online.
WELL FOLKS, IT HAS HAPPENED!
"The best thing I heard today was a pregnant woman arguing with her partner and she said, 'I have two brains and you have one'."
"Lapitin talaga ako ng mga hayop, tignan mo malapit tayo sa isa't isa."
Tausendmal gefavt …
“Do you think you’ll ever fall in love?" “I don’t know. I think if she likes pancakes, then probably.”