A week of hilarious viral tweets.
"When you wash a spoon and it wash you back."
"The Shape of Water should have been called Man Chest Hair by the Sea"
"I love the new Weight Watchers program. You can eat anything you want as long as you never join."
“I’d tell you to go f*** yourself but you’d be pretty disappointed.”
"Why is being alive so expensive? I'm not even having a good time."
"'LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE.' commands the small cushion. You whisper 'I'm trying' but that only makes it angrier."
GameStop looked me right in my face and told me my PS3 was worth $18.
For anyone who needs a pick-me-up.
"The Lord is my shepherd, He shaves my entire body to make sweaters."
Infiltrate the dealer, find the supplier.
"The hottest part of sex is when I take off my glasses and put them in a safe place."
Who doesn't love a good cat nap?
Be quiet, I'm trying to record my new ringtone.
"Send her 'you hungry?' at 1:17 a.m. instead of 'wyd?' and u might get a reply."
"The term 'resting bitch face' is misleading because a bitch never rests."
"My parents are wine drunk watching Jeopardy and my dad just looked at my mom and said 'you're my best friend' and that's all I want in life."
Feature a screw to open wine, CD spindle for bagels, etc.
*pretends to be shocked*
Hold onto your hats, these are some wild ones.
"I posted my bro on my snapchat and this girl said, 'lol i used to talk to him u ain't special.'"
"nicht schwanger geil"
"Alexa gets spoken to better than me and she’s not even real."
Some are savage, some are kinda sweet, all of them are funny.
My hips are pathological liars.
"Any girl who takes tequila shots without making a face has been sent straight from the devil to ruin your life."
"'Per my last e-mail' is office speak for 'bitch can you read'.”
We've all been there.
"When I die, please bury me with jugs of Wawa iced tea."
“Show those haters how it’s done by hating yourself most.”
A lot goes down.
How fitting to wrap up 2017.
"Once I get clear skin, laser hair removal, teeth whitening, lip injections, a new wardrobe, you hoes are done.""
Tweets heah! Get ya tweets heah!
Quite possibly the best worst Christmas movie ever made.
My therapist: Hi. Me: *STARTS CRYING*
'Tis the season to cry uncontrollably over a Hallmark Christmas movie.
*tries to balance self-destruction and self-care*
AKA: "The everyone wants to know why you're are still single" holiday.
Honestly, there are some valid points here but I still will never be DTF with mushy peas.
*looks in mirror* You're doing amazing, sweetie.
"The division symbol is just a blank fraction with dots replacing the numerator/denominator."
"12-year-old-me: Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it!"
"It's a job you need, Lauren, not another boyfriend" — a mom on Facebook
You are NOT the same person on Facebook and Twitter.
Prepare to laugh.
LOL @ the dog ear that looks like Donald Trump.