"The only thing Star Wars fans hate more than people who hate Star Wars, is Star Wars."
"'The rat is NOT called ratatouille' is our generation's version of 'the monster is not called Frankenstein'."
"First rule of fight club: no fightin!…Shakira Shakiraaa."
Gehaltvoller als Seitenbacher.
"Oh you're a millennial? Name one industry you've killed."
"How do you kick a ceiling by accident?!"
"I got banned from my last Dungeons & Dragons campaign for insisting that 'paladin' is pronounced like 'Paula Deen.'"
"The most unrealistic part of Harry Potter was that nobody asked to try on Harry’s glasses and make fun of how blind he was."
Me: wow this is fucked up. Vagina: idk it's kinda hot.
"The Avengers go to Ikea, and Thor is the only one who can pronounce the name of anything."
When my aunt was in her late 20s people used to rudely ask her “Why aren’t you married yet?” and she’d reply “Just lucky, I guess.”
"Isaac Newton may have discovered gravity, but his luxurious flowing hair sure didn't, damn son."
More dramatic than Romeo and Juliet.
*violently rejects a software update*
"Sorry I can't afford to come to your wedding; I accidentally walked by a Sephora."
"A corgi leading a conga line of pugs on an adventure."
"Me watching the Olympics: Where’s Mario and Sonic?"
"Calm your tit. Just one tit. Leave the other one crazy and out of control, that's your party tit."
"I’d drink more tea if it tasted like coffee."
"Outer space is my kink, it cosmanut."
“I had a dream where I worked for a place that tried to genetically engineer ducks to speak English, except the ducks only criticized people’s fashion sense.”
What is the objective? Survive.
«Baguette me against the wall»
"'I'm a writer,' I whisper as I spend several hours watching YouTube."
"What's the difference between falling in love and a crush? If they get a haircut and they're ugly, it's a crush."
Feelings are a lot, ok?
"I'm afraid sex will sound the same as when you stir potato salad and that’s why i’m staying a virgin."
If global warming isn't real then why did Club Penguin close down?
Just in case you need 'em today.
"Winter Olympics: Bobsled. Me, an intellectual: Robertsled."
Love it or hate it, but you can't help laugh at it.
Dogs have elevator music playing in their heads at all times.
*Tyra Banks voice* Needy and annoying...but make it hilarious.
Consider this a palate cleanser.
THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS!
7 billion people, 14 billion buttholes.
Tumblrs run by Russian trolls generated hundreds of thousands of interactions with anti–Hillary Clinton, pro–Bernie Sanders content.
"Alright we really need to draw the line at gendering poop."
Ah, la France ! Sa langue, sa culture... et ses incohérences.
Bored on the internet? Here's a LOT of funny Tumblr posts.
"When attractive people compliment me on things I get suspicious because remember when Regina George complimented that one girl on her skirt."
Thicc Pikachu is what peak performance looks like.
"This is SO us." —Me @ my pets.
"Crack your phone screen in advance so you won't be sad when the screen cracks."
"I, for one, like Roman numerals."
I'm sorry, everyone.