You: writing. Me, an intellectual: sitting in front of a computer and crying.
"Have no regrets. Except all those facebook pages you liked back in 2009, regret those."
"I’m looking for aesthetically-pleasing water retrieval devices for my yard. So far it’s going pretty well."
You shouldn't laugh at these, but you will.
Thank god Tumblr is free.
"It's just me and my oily skin against the world"
"Uterus wants baby. Person doesn't have baby. Uterus wants revenge."
"To be fair, your honour, mercury was in retrograde"
"Viggo Mortensen's appeal as Aragorn is 90% the way he opens doors."
"Once a woman has dipped her toe into Crane lake, dry land is never the same again."
So many Disney memes, so little time.
"Who the fuck measures pizza in acres?"
"Y'all are nasty."
We might not have jobs, but at least we have a good sense of humor.
HEY SERIOUSLY THOUGH IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED "INFINITY WAR" YET DON'T OPEN THIS POST JUST IN CASE OK???
"Venom, what that tongue do?"
"Hello, Police? I accidentally stepped on my cats foot and need to be arrested."
Y'en a pour tous les goûts.
You'll be laughing for hours.
Le français, ses exceptions, et ses exceptions d'exceptions.
Do it for the aesthetic.
"Penis is such an ugly word, we should call them dingly-dangly-diddly-ding-DONGS."
*begrudgingly checks Blackboard*
Quit Your Bullshit 2018.
"*flirting* so what fruit do you have in your town?"
Go ahead, see if you can do it.
My brain hurts.
You are categorically not chill.
"Comparing your relationship to Romeo and Juliet to express how in love you are is kind of like using Hamlet to demonstrate how close and well adjusted your family is."
"The only thing Star Wars fans hate more than people who hate Star Wars, is Star Wars."
"'The rat is NOT called ratatouille' is our generation's version of 'the monster is not called Frankenstein'."
"First rule of fight club: no fightin!…Shakira Shakiraaa."
Gehaltvoller als Seitenbacher.
"Oh you're a millennial? Name one industry you've killed."
"How do you kick a ceiling by accident?!"
"I got banned from my last Dungeons & Dragons campaign for insisting that 'paladin' is pronounced like 'Paula Deen.'"
"The most unrealistic part of Harry Potter was that nobody asked to try on Harry’s glasses and make fun of how blind he was."
Me: wow this is fucked up. Vagina: idk it's kinda hot.
"The Avengers go to Ikea, and Thor is the only one who can pronounce the name of anything."
And you thought the terrible twos were bad.
When my aunt was in her late 20s people used to rudely ask her “Why aren’t you married yet?” and she’d reply “Just lucky, I guess.”
"Isaac Newton may have discovered gravity, but his luxurious flowing hair sure didn't, damn son."
More dramatic than Romeo and Juliet.
*violently rejects a software update*
"Sorry I can't afford to come to your wedding; I accidentally walked by a Sephora."
"A corgi leading a conga line of pugs on an adventure."
"Me watching the Olympics: Where’s Mario and Sonic?"
"Calm your tit. Just one tit. Leave the other one crazy and out of control, that's your party tit."
"I’d drink more tea if it tasted like coffee."