DIY if you're dumb enough to try.
"This is torture to my tongue right now."
Go Go Gadget... Helmet?
Man, toothbrushes just aren't very manly, are they? I mean, they brush teeth... that doesn't sound very tough... but what if you called it the PLAQUE EVISCERATOR?
If your mouth doesn't hurt after you're done brushing, you aren't doing it right, momma's boy.