"I'm ready to just be able to hit the ground running in the morning."
"In my day..."
Settle into yer rockin' chair. It's gonna get rough.
GET OFF MY LAWN!
Why do naps feel so bad after?
Ankle pants and cardigans everywhere!
The decade of giving zero fucks.
The plan was to be married by 25. Now 30 and single, I'm learning that being a wife isn't a condition for being happy.
Less awkwardness, more farting.
"In a 2 hour lecture, you bes' believe my pants are unbuttoned."
There's cramps... and then there's CRAMPS.
Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's Photoshop and a lot of other stuff.
"I'm 36 and I'm still so scared of going on dates." Courtesy of Whisper.
"Watching House Hunters isn't a waste of time; it's an investment in your future."
Thanks for the meme-ories.
Your shared lives...visualized.
"I take my fish oil vitamin with red wine, playa."
Definitely too old for this shit.
Not really lovin' it, but trying.
"Yes, I need this $500 Vitamix."
"Is it true that if u pluck a white hair three come to its funeral?"
"I am very excited about our first major appliance purchase."
Where should we pick up and move to?
Look at my beautiful kale sprouts. LOOK AT THEM.
"Realizing I am older than any of the characters on Friends."
"Once upon a dream..."
There's more than one type of three-way, FYI.
"You have to choose between family and career."
Thirty and goddamn thriving.
"OMG, I'm so old!" No...you're not.
With age comes wisdom... and organization.
Raising both hands in celebration.
No amount of catnip will make this better.
The cold never bothered me anyway. However, heartburn does.
Can we finally get a naptime emoji?
If only Mom could set up playdates for the rest of your life.
Living alone never looked so good.
Anal hasn't always had a place on television.
When did babies get Facebook?
This is "there's an app for that" for anyone who remembers the slogan "there's an app for that."
It's the little things, y'know?
If we had time to Snapchat, that is.
"Where'd that mole come from?"
It gets worse, guys. (And also so much better.)
"Is it baby time yet?"
Please stop asking me how I feel about "the big 3-0." Because I do not know.
Be glad you are not any of these people.