Thinking to yourself "I'll do it later" about one simple thing like putting your body lotion back in its place.
Find a vat of glitter and just swim in it. The glitter will remain in your crevices for years to come, but so will the memories.
Sending them details of your ailments so they can use their (lack of) medical expertise to diagnose you.
Narrowly missing giving yourself a concussion by banging your head on a low ceiling.
Knowing that you won’t move into a certain place before you even see it because you’ve had to take two trains and a bus just to get there.
The steps on the escalator will collapse and you’ll fall in, and be ground to a pulp by the mechanics.
Getting your hair stuck in your armpit.
Gently tuck the tags of their friends' shirts back in if they notice them sticking out.
No, I don't want to "go with the flow".
Getting so badly bitten by midges in summer that you end up looking like a Lion bar.
You'd have a 100-day Snapchat streak.
One last cuddle with Larry the cat.
Thank you for having your shit together enough for the both of us.
All your friends are on this list.
Donald's just not used to second place. How is he coping post-Iowa?
Life can be confusing and hard. Sometimes, though, it's the absolute best.
Except sarcastically, obviously.
This is why baseball is the best.
Like how we invented the selfie.
Basically, you're always walking over thousands of dead bodies.
All of these are REAL news stories about ACTUAL events that happened in the great state of Florida.
Sometimes it's hard to... whoa did you guys see that?!
It's complicated. REALLY complicated.