Or, you know, at least a very decent evening.
Finally, a good news story.
Prepare to have your world rocked.
You can never have too much lube, tbh.
Time to stock up.
A global survey revealed Aussie millennials have more sex than any other on Valentine's Day.
A simple guide to navigating the not-so-simple vibrating-sex-toy world.
"I got an asthma attack while giving him a blowjob, and his mom had to drive me to the hospital."
2020 is looking sexy.
So your order confirmation emails will be nice, even if your purchases are naughty.
Only one way to find out.
“His penis was so big that it pushed the tampon too far up, and I had to go to the hospital to get it removed.”
'Tis the season to be horny.
Cheap and efficient orgasms FTW.
Every boy and every girl, SPICE UP YOUR (sex) LIFE!
Don't worry, we know you're just here to take an interest (ahem).
For when you have ~needs~, but you also have housemates.
Turns out good things do come in small packages.
Get more bang for your buck.
Is it hot in here, or is it just my Amazon cart?
"His dick was so big that I accidentally dislocated my jaw..."
This quiz is intense. Pun intended.
A robotic sex toy was selected as an honoree for the Consumer Electronics Show’s Innovation Awards, until CES said it was "obscene."
Ho ho ho(rny), Merry Christmas to us all! *shuts door*
'Cause you should go and love yourself.
This week we have stories about Churchill, Alex Jones, and a bag of sex toys.
In the years I worked at a sex shop, I saw how the pressure to have great sex — in a world that will never be a level playing field — can inflict its own kind of damage.
Because why not?
Top-rated and best-selling sex toys that'll bring the ~good vibes~ no matter where you are. The products in this post were updated in September 2018.
What's your state's ~sex toy personality~?
Kinky on a budget.
Tell us your favorite toys you and bae use to get down and dirty!
Il est peut-être encore temps de les mettre dans votre liste de Noël, parce que c'est pas vraiment donné.
Tbh, these are the best vibrators, butt plugs, and dildos in my sex toy drawer this year.
Say goodbye to your salary, guys.
Help us out a little.
Because you deserve something special every dang day.
Note to self: set up automatic reply to "Go away."
Do you like your toys super cheap, super expensive, or juuust right?
♪ Dancin' with myself, oh oh uh oh... ♪
Add them to your holiday wishlist/treat yo' self list.
To foreplay? Or not to foreplay?
Kelly Clarkson Confused Her Vibrator For Children's Toys While Playing "Never Have I Ever" And It'll Make You Scream
"Oh! I was thinking a blaster!"
I'm not even sure I've heard of the body parts some of these are meant to be used on.
"You know, the vay-nya is nature's pocket...it's natural."
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me!
"Meine Mama hat meinen Klitoris-Stimulator für ein Gesichtsmassage-Gerät gehalten."
Sex toys: they're not all fun and games.
American Tech Companies Are So Afraid Of Offending Indians That They're Censoring All Their Products
In the world’s largest democracy, Amazon Prime Video deletes most nudity and profanity, Google bans retailers from buying ads for erotica, Amazon and Flipkart refuse to sell adult products, and Tinder suggests its users should get parental approval for their dates.
Wir sind nicht alle hypersexuell.
The discount site Wish makes all your shopping lists (including its large array of sex toys) public under your real name.
Fifty shades of mimosas.
*Accomplishes one small task* TIME FOR A MASTURBATION BREAK.
What sexy, sexy deals.
Say goodbye to your salary.
We're not all nymphomaniacs.
We want to know what gets you going (anonymously if you prefer).
Orgasms from sea to shining sea.
Just because it looks like it could go up your butt doesn't mean it should.
"There's no way this sex toy, meant to simulate oral, was designed by a woman."
Let’s get down and dirty.
Live your truth, you know?
Because everyone needs a Hello Kitty dildo. (NSFW, obviously.)
Flowers die. Butt plugs are forever.
From dildos to prostate massagers, who even needs a Valentine?
Because sometimes you've got to DIY.
Step right up and cure your hysteria.
“But where would this even go?"
Amazon users keep ~coming~ back to these NSFW products.
Maybe you should just live by yourself.
NSFW (and maybe not safe for opening up in front of family, either).
Do you forego foreplay?
Here are the toys that keep Amazon reviewers coming back for more.
How often do you REALLY wash those bad boys?
See if you can get through this without swearing off sex forever.
Your wallet and vagina will thank you.
Sometimes, orgasms don't come cheap — but they really should.
*buzz, buzz, buzz* We have a winner!
Go ahead, leave them on your bedside table.
It's time to show your butt some serious love.
Because you deserve it.
Where on my body would you like to lick p*ssy juice off, Nick?
Poké Balls sold separately.
A bang for your buck.
One of these objects isn't quite what it seems.