*Applies for Scottish citizenship right away*
"List your top 3 achievements of the year. Then stick that list up your fucking arse."
The finest, most batshit city in Scotland really outdid itself this year.
R.I.P. these people because they are surely dead now.
Does Hoggiehaugh mean Hogwarts, Hagrid, or Hogsmeade?
Could really have done without the Andy Murray sausage wean, tbh.
And they're all impossibly scenic and charming too (of course).
Is there anything more appalling than finding fish skin on your battered cod? No.
Robb Stark: ex-King In The North, current King Of Everyone's Sexual Fantasies.
We love you, but please stop throwing up and losing your shoes.
If you're afraid of hurricanes, make them seem a lot less threatening by giving them a cute name, like Harold, Agnes, or Bawbag.
It's basically built on piles of corpses. H/T Lost Edinburgh and Horrible Histories.
"Why do scottish people say canny instead of cannot what is this >>horseplay<<"
Even if she doesn't win Strictly, she's WON ALL OF OUR HEARTS.
Tlachdmhor agus tàlantach.
"Are you a banker because leave me a loan." Ouch.
After school activities in America: Cheerleading. After school activities in Scotland: Throwing a sofa into a river and then sitting on it.
THEY ARE SO BLOODY CUTE OMFG.
Thanks for your feedback, but we really have no idea what a tourist buffalo is.
Who disguises an onion as a fucking chocolate apple? FFS.
*Movie announcer voice* "John McSporran is a tough ex-detective on the hunt for the most epic sunsets and lochs. Rated PG-13 for prettiness."
What the fuck is going on at China Buffet King? (H/T Overheard In Glasgow)
Because the fun doesn't need to stop when the clocks go back. H/T Visit Scotland.
The union of craic strikes again.
If you can't magically find your way home after 17 pints, are you even Scottish?
If you've never treated yourself to a "fine piece", you're not from Aberdeen.
Choose wisely, or you might end up dressing as a sexy Glasgow pigeon.
"OUTLANDER ISN'T REAL!" Phew, sorry, we needed to get that off our chests.
Lisa: "Can you say something nice about Scotland?" Willie: "Well, sometimes the fog comes in and covers everything terrible."
Almondine is awash with flawless, mirror-finish bonbons, and other delights.
If your dad doesn't compare your boyfriends to Hitler, is he even Scottish?
Drinking in a park at 1am in January? Yeah that's perfectly normal here.
They say all sorts of crazy things north of the wall.
"Why did you have snow on your vagina?" "Vodka with a mix of heels thrown in."
These are some of the most haunted inns, hotels, and B&Bs in the world, so beware. H/t Haunted Rooms
"Why is it when yer maw makes homemade soup it's breakfast lunch and dinner for the next 8 weeks eh yer life."
We should join them together and call it The Republic of Sciroteland.
Scotland is a land of sweeping, hilarious contrasts.
Deconstructed salad? WHAT HAS BECOME OF OUR ONCE PROUD NATION?
Too much whisky last night? Pop to Babu Bombay for a chicken masala naanwich.
"Willie's ma name, erectin's ma game." Oh Scotland. Never change.
Edinburgh Tinder = about four people, and three of them are Fringe performers.
"Do u no just look at your pals and wonder how stupidity hasny killed them yet?"
After all, what would TV even be without Gordon Ramsay?
Can you spot the subtle differences between these sexy photos?
"How do you live up here? How do you keep your balls from freezing off?"
It's called "Diagon House", and it's on the street that inspired Diagon Alley.
Finally, the Scottish translation guide you've all been waiting for.
WHO THE HELL TRIES TO SELL THEIR DEAD DOG ONLINE.
Anything Ireland, Croatia, Spain, and Iceland can do, we can do way better.