Canadian Man Has Sex With Cabbage Patch Dolls
Ottawa resident Richard Osborn is currently on trial for making and possessing pornography, as well as voyeurism. Among the videos seized at his arrest were several depicting him, um, penetrating a Cabbage Patch doll, which had been altered to provide easily accessible…orifices…I don't think I can continue. This man just ejaculated all over my childhood.
Man Files Police Report Over Fake Facebook Profile
Lance Mobley filed a complaint with police about this Facebook profile, which he claims was created by his ex-girlfriend's father, portraying him as a male prostitute and pedophile. All of this happened in the great state of South Carolina. On top of it being virulently homophobic and racist, the grammar is hilariously atrocious. Can you be charged with run-on sentences in the third degree? Maybe hit and run-on sentences?
SpongeBob Bikini Grooming Kit for 3-Year-Olds
It's amazing how a few poorly chosen words can turn an innocent children's toy into a gift bag handed out at NAMBLA conventions. Bikini Bottom, for those of you who don't have kids or aren't high, is the name of the underwater city where SpongeBob lives. Thank God the toy company didn't mention his summer home in the hamlet of Vajazzle.
The Pedophile's Guide To Love And Pleasure
UPDATE: In a victory for probably no one, Amazon has caved to public pressure and banned this book from their store. Folks are pretty up in arms today about this book by Philip Greaves about how to be a better - i.e., slightly less molesty - pedophile. According to TechCrunch, The Pedophile's Guide to Love and Pleasure is the 158,221st best-selling book on the Kindle, hopefully because of the low $4.79 price and not because of the content.