Peace of mind 24/7.
"I’m sorry if my baby cries when they see you or you hold them! It’s nothing personal!"
Oh the innocence of a child.
You gotta take the good with the bad.
"When you're almost done pumping, you know what's next...WINE. ALWAYS WINE."
Little Leonardo da Vincis.
We deserve a million dollars, every day.
I'd have a baby just for one of these gifts.
Mom brain, Google it.
Bravo, mom. Bravo.
There's just no one quite like 'em.
They really should give lessons on motherhood.
"My mom said that although her marriage to my dad didn't work out, I was the best thing to come from it."
"Yes, I wear maternity pants. No, I'm not pregnant — they're just really comfy."
John Legend baby is a legend.
Kids are funnier than shit.
Friends' babies = all the fun of buying cute tiny things, none of the actual responsibility.
If it's too quiet, something bad is always happening.
Only moms know.
"Treat or treat!"
I'm an ideal mom on social media, just not in real life.
"Like my selfie or you're grounded."
"98% of parenting texts can be answered with a poop emoji."
"My superpower is hiding from other moms at kids' birthday parties."
"I just realized I may have a tiny penis growing inside me."
Parents are the real MVP.
"I'd rather clean the kitchen and the bathroom simultaneously than do laundry... "
The Snapchat filters look way better on your kids.
That's just the way it is, things will never be the same...
Teach me your ways.
When did I shower last? What are real pants? I smell like milk.
It's a new age.
The good, the bad, and the nasty.
AM I POOPING???
Like going shopping with ice packs strapped to your boobs.
Kids, man, they'll change ya.
Coffee makes you a better parent.
Work it, Dad.
It's for the best. Promise.
It's tough being a kid.
#dadgoals for real.
"You're so not prepared for this shit."
Turn that frown upside down.
*Gets anxiety just thinking about it*
Working out has never made more sense.