"Have you lost your teeth?"
It's a jungle out there.
It's a quite a strange place really.
"Aberdeenshire business owner wins presidential election."
"Gran with shovel fights giant fox."
"Drive-by yogurt attack on Dorset haberdashery owner."
"Tributes to much-loved Fanny."
A humbling reminder of the awe-inspiring power of nature.
"No one in Lincolnshire affected by ebola outbreak".
When a woman with breast cancer was insulted for wearing a knitted hat shaped like a breast, she wrote a letter to her local paper. Then thousands of people came together to show their support.
If these stories don't make you do a little shruggie gesture, nothing will. Many of these via Nothing to Do With Arbroath.
A party, in a bowling club, with shortbread?
While you were watching TV and eating cheese, some people were out there making strange news happen.
Killer seagulls, violent cows and racist swans. Just another mad, mad year in the life of British newspapers.
The letter, printed in Monday's edition of The Star, said the media frenzy surrounding Evans is "disgraceful" and that he should be allowed to play for Sheffield United again.
JUST A SMALL TOWN GIRL...
When YOU see a strawberry that looks a bit like a penis, you know who to call: your local newspaper.
YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH.
A spoof Motherwell Times story is one of the paper's most popular articles since the death of Margaret Thatcher. But no one would tell BuzzFeed News what to do if we encounter an actual zombie.
Bit soon Plymouth Herald?
Things can get pretty intense in a Lancashire market town. With thanks to the Chorley News Billboards Facebook page.
It's the angry runaway tortoises, the leaning lampposts, the free sausage rolls, and the men humping mattresses that make this country great.
Every day is a slow news day when you're from a small town.
Things just got interesting in Bridlington, thanks to the people contributing tweets to the #Bridnews hashtag.
More like an extra from Mary Poppins maybe? Via @sgtbeefmeat.
Do NOT under any circumstances approach these beasts.
Nothing says "British Summer" more than drunken Oompa-Loompas.
These people just can't take it any more. Most of these via the excellent Angry People in Local Newspapers blog.
There is no impotent rage like that contained in a letter to the editor. Some of these via Pointless Letters.
Britain. The land of cheeky seagulls, killer goldfish and people who kick terrorists in the balls.
This just a glimpse into how strange humankind really is.
From the Heckmondwike Herald in 1916, this is the best joke about a mongoose you may ever hear.
These might not be the biggest new stories ever, but they're still important OK?
There's a lot wrong with this country, but don't ever say it's dull.
It's only January.
"All life is there". And a whole lot more besides.
It's all kicking off in... well just about everywhere.
Ever wanted to tell management your true feelings? This is how to do it.
Featuring escaping monkeys, "suspicious" chocolate wrappers and "leopards" roaming the countryside.
Warning: Quite sweary.
Well this must have been awkward. Spotted in the North Devon Journal.