Life sucks...or does it?
"Without liquor, many lips would not have touched mine."
Just do it.
All you need is 57 DVDs of "Click" and a dream.
"Friends... it's the best ship there is."
"My first crush was Rocky... from the cartoon Rocky and Bullwinkle."
The right answer is not always what it seems.
Plastic applicators - good for the soul and good for my hole.
Peameal bacon? Canadian bacon? Back bacon?
This is what the internet's for, honestly.
Do you not know? Or do you just not care?
I don't get it, but here you go.
Let me know when you get here. I'm the one in the corner petting the cat!
"Peed with the door open for the first time!"
A lot of staring contests and a lot of super poetic lines that we would never actually use in real life. SPOILERS AHEAD.
It's not always sunshine and rainbows, yanno!
SATURDAY NIGHT! WHO'S DOWN FOR LASER TAG?!
#IDFWU = "I do freak way understand?" #WTF
Y'know what they say about a man with a big leaf.
Narrated by Rocky Horror GIFs.
This could be reality.
This post is sort of NSFW, depending on where your workplace stands on models of Satan with boners.
You found yourself in the wrong place, friend.
One isn't the loneliest number. JK it is.
Life is short, pee while you eat.
According to me, someone who's never been in the women's bathroom.
"YOU THINK A BIRTHDAY PANCAKE IS GONNA MAKE THIS DAY ANY BETTER?!"
You have a pen? Some papes? Good, write these down.
Just because you don't have opposable thumbs doesn't mean you can't live life to the fullest.
"O'er the laaaaaand of the [steak], and the home of the [$7.99 belly button rings]!"
Ousted acting IRS commissioner Steven Miller had a pretty lousy day in front of the House Ways and Means Committee.