Reporting To You X


“I think all writers have this Platonic ideal of the book they’re going to write next, and then you realize that you’re hamstringed by your own obsessions.”

Maris Kreizman • 7 hours ago

"Break up with your girlfriend she’s cheating on you every Thursday in the projection room above the auditorium with Shane Oman."

"Therapy is like someone gently walking through your brain and looking around like, 'This how you living??'"

"I’m at Sephora and the makeup artist asked this woman if she was allergic to anything and she said “shrimp.”

"Literally nobody: Me: You’re right I should take another nap."

Basta ya de tanta tontería.

To Live and Die in LA...and they be carried in a Prius hearse.

Tirarte 15 minutos adicionales todas las mañanas buscando uno de tus guantes.

¡Antes de que existiera Anatomía de Grey había arte!

Well played.

Richtig gute schlechte Witze!

Merece la pena vivir informado.

Das schildet nicht.

She basically has a doctorate in funny.

My lower back is killing me.

Happy Halloween to us all!

"If I pay $40 for a haunted house I better die."

Me van a despedir.

Siempre de servicio, querida.


My father will be hearing about this.

From a dark alley: "Psst, man. Wanna score some REALLY dumb jokes?"

"[First date] Are you mad at me?"

It's a whole new world...

Follando en castellano: oh sí, sigue qué gusto. Follando en catalán: ah ah ah, tu sempre guanyes Doraemon.

Si no soy Martin Luther King, ¿por qué tengo este sueño?


Urkomische Genies.

"Ich werde auf alles kacken, was du liebst."


A student is acting up, and now you have to write a note.

Imagine if our savior’s name were "Jomar Christ."

They don't just...appear on the ground or something?!

Te lo advertimos.


You may be surprised.

~In memoriam.~

Let them talk FOR ONCE!!!!

Füße hoch! 😂

"Viggo Mortensen's appeal as Aragorn is 90% the way he opens doors."

"Sillón de color tierra, madera y una quemadura de tabaco".


Als ob wir das nicht schon wüssten.


They're hot, incredibly talented, and waiting for you on Tinder. ;)

How do you Instagram such attractive breakfasts?

The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. High.


Welcome, procrastinators. This is where you belong.

"Chicas, IKEA ha sacado una silla nueva, comodísima y versátil: Mikära".


It's time to find out if you're just a very bad baby.

Too real.

The best four years of your life?

Kurz, süß und manchmal auch ziemlich wild.

Kind: "Können wir eine Katze haben?" - "Ich bin allergisch." – Kind: "Du kannst ja draußen schlafen."

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