A fisherman finds a magic flounder and turns to a friend for advice in this excerpt from Mallory Ortberg's short story collection The Merry Spinster.
Helpful tips straight from me to you.
Your bestie deserves it all!
Do they think you're "beautiful, enough said" or total trash?
My pamily's role... oh may gad.
The truth is in the toast.
Time to put your friendship to the test.
No friendships were harmed in the making of this quiz.
When you are weak she will be strong, helping you to carry on.
"I look 89 years old"
Tag your ride-or-die.
Sending them details of your ailments so they can use their (lack of) medical expertise to diagnose you.
*prays that girls supporting girls is trendy forever*
"OMG this is us" – you to your friend, while simultaneously petting 12 dogs.
...and also a guy with the same name as me. It's an internet miracle.
What happens when friends are more toxic than a Britney Spears song.
Are you partying with a prince or chilling with a duchess?
The cover of Time, the Ocean's 8 trailer, the birth of her daughter, and now this?
When President Obama wished Vice President Biden a happy birthday with a meme and our hearts melted.
Arguably the most painful kind of breakup there is.
Binge-watching Hallmark movies and laughing (but also crying).
You might still get drunk together, but now you do it while eating delicious food.
S/o to your real better halves.
You'll definitely find something for your mom, sister, best friend, girlfriend, cousin, or literally whoever you know that loves jewelry, on this gift list.
Can anger become love?
The holidays are about to get weird.
We love you, but please stop throwing up and losing your shoes.
There's no boundaries when it comes to BFFs.
*sends text* *hears back in two days*
This is the chance of a lifetime.
The gifts and gestures that reminded you that they would always be there.
Best friends are like soulmates, but better.
"I don't want you sleeping with anyone I'm dating."
Like regular best friends, but with more butt-touching.
From memorizing lyrics to learning dance steps, and everything in between!
"Oi check your phone"
"I hope I don’t sound heartless when I say they are not 'pretty' but I think their success rate in the dating world speaks for itself."
Let's ruin the friendship.
Friends who pee together stay together.
Tell your friends you love them.
Just sit back, scroll and ~relax~.
"Wait, what time is it there?" —You, every day for the first six months.
Be the best you.
Because your BFF knows you best.
The cutest friendship to have ever existed.
Talk in an accent for no reason.
Would your friends do this for you?