"I moved $20 in your account. You have $21 now."
Send these people directly to the burn unit.
"Sometimes landslides are disasters."
Should I be worried?
"The news is real. The president is fake."
Employing his famous wit to burn them all.
Boob sweat, mustache sweat, butt sweat.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words are epic burns.
"This man is legendary."
"It was worst alarm clock you could ever have in life."
"These little kids be so woke."
They asked for it, tbh.
*Dips fingers in hot candle wax*
The 45-year-old man arrested for intentionally setting fire to a black church just days before the presidential election was a member of the congregation.
Because no food is worth a nasty mouth burn — even pizza.
It's the most stressful time of the year.
I love moms.
YA BURNT, SON.
"I couldn't recognize my face in the mirror."
If you feel the burn, go get tested.
Big B ain't got no time for your sledging.
Thank you, internet.
Someone get the ice.
"Bhai. Please. Don't. Please."
"I like to be on top during sex because I feel like I'm working out my legs and butt." All confessions courtesy of Whisper.
Jet, set, miss.
"All you guys who wanted to talk about Cristiano Ronaldo, don't."
You were going to put a REGULAR yule log fire place on your TV? You fool.
Nobody can stop her.
Insert fire emoji here.
"I find that theatre without gays is like cooking without spices."
I'm 100% allergic to the sun.
Around 70,000 people attended this years Burn - catch a glimpse of the surreal.
"She's just a super-sweet dog and I think she knows she's now being helped," an animal services officer said. WARNING: This story contains graphic images.
Beware of black henna.
Let's talk about your death.
Haters dare not hate if you're Lily's mate.
Living that SPF lifestyle.
Someone get the ice, please.
The singer walked into a pyrotechnical display that shot fire up from the stage.
Third-degree burns aren't exactly Pinterest-worthy.
"What a good thing this isn't music."
And then you think of one later. BUT IT'S TOO DANG LATE.