If you've never treated yourself to a "fine piece", you're not from Aberdeen.
Almondine is awash with flawless, mirror-finish bonbons, and other delights.
Too much whisky last night? Pop to Babu Bombay for a chicken masala naanwich.
"Apparently Fifty Shades of Grey isn't a film about Aberdeen."
How one woman's brutal killing has highlighted a devastating distrust of police.
Stolen toilets, huge cocks, furious deer...oh, Scotland. What on Earth would we do without you?
"I don't pay you to tell me I look good. I pay you to poo on my chest!" Er, what?
Warning: don't read this post if you're easily shocked.
"Just bought a litre of Tipp-Ex. Huge mistake."
Turns out bins make truly amazing houses, toilets, and tables.
Someone help them.
Are you an idiot? No? Prove it.
Vegan macarons, cheap pints, and Game of Thrones style castles? It's a no-brainer.
A 16-year-old boy has been convicted of culpable homicide in relation to the death of Bailey Gwynne.
Coachella is great, but it's not a proper festival unless someone shits in your tent.
"Far's the loon?"
"You into Pitbull, hen?"
This is our Broadway. Only with seagulls, and without almost everything else.
"A train passenger was caught trying to have sex with the on-board drinks trolley."
"Are you gay Morag or straight Morag?"
Guys, you really need to stop getting stuck in bins.
Turns out flying from Scotland is the key to a great deal. NB: Prices in this post are based on two people sharing.
"Foo's yer doos?"
"I was heavy MWI last night."
"Welcome to Scotland, bawbags."
The teenager made no plea or declaration and was remanded in custody.
Great balls of fire.
"France, imma let you finish, but Scotland has some of the best cheeses of all time."
It's time to pack our bags and leave.
There's customer service, and then there's this.
Admit it: Nobody actually likes Tennent's.
Sleepwalking is one thing. But sleepEATING is something else entirely.
A storm over the weekend prompted evacuations in several areas as flooding and mudslides persisted Monday.
While you were watching TV and eating cheese, some people were out there making strange news happen.
"We should have done this a whole heckuva long time ago," said the Aberdeen mayor.
O Flower of Scotland, when will we see your likes again.
The glorious Granite City.