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Fifty Shades Of Twilight: 50 Ways It's Literally The Same Story

The 50 ways E.L. James and Fifty Shades of Grey bit Twilight author, Stephanie Meyer's style harder than Sam Smith does a Tom Petty song. "Adapted" fan fiction, or it just the exact same story? See how they overlap. ***SPOILERS***

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1. Her Exotic Four Syllable First Name That Starts and Ends with a Vowel.

Isabella. Anastasia.

2. Her One Syllable "S" Last Name.

Swan. Steele.

Seriously, their names are Isabella Swan and Anastasia Steele. It's already basically a parody.

3. She's Clumsy.

Yes for Isabella. Yes for Anastasia.

4. He's Impossibly Gorgeous.

Yup, Edward. Yup, Christian.

5. He Has Semi-precious Metal Colored Hair

"Bronze" Edward. "Copper" Christian.

7. She's Pale

Both milky in the skin department.

8. She Has a Guy Friend of a Different Ethnicity Who's Not So Secretly In Love with Her

Yup. Yup.

9. That Guy Has a "J" Name

Jacob. Jose.

10. She's a Literature Buff

Of course. Like all relatable, insecure girls, books are their friends.

11. She Works In Unglamorous Retail

Sporting goods. Hardware.

12. He is irresistibly drawn to her.

Like to a wounded pair of puppies.

13. He Has a Desire to Hurt Her That He Struggles to Control

Wait, what!? But yes to both.

14. He Also Has an Obsessive Need to Protect Her

But he still wants to hurt her?...Yes and Yes.

15. He Has a Secret That She Needs to Keep

Vampire. Sadist.

16. Set in Washington State.

It serves the story in Twilight, but there wasn't another state in the Union that E.L. James could have picked?

17. He's Incredibly Wealthy

It just makes the guys that want to hurt you easier to fall in love with, am I right materialistic ladies?

18. He Saves Her From an Accident

Van. Cyclist.

19. She Thinks She's Not Good Enough For Him...Ad Nauseum

Say it with me girls, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me."

20. He's a Total Control Freak

Fo Sho!

21. He and She Fall In Love Ridiculously Quickly

Ya. Ya.

22. She's a Virgin

Both the ultimate in corruptible female innocence.

23. His Eyes Change Color

With hunger. With mood.

25. His Parents are Ultra Nurturing and Understanding

Both sets would have to be.

26. His Dad Has a Unique "C" Name.

Carlisle. Carrick.

27. Her Parents are Divorced.

OMG, the girls are so damaged and fragile.

28. She Has a Strong Father/Friend Figure

Charlie. Ray.

29. Her Dad Has Been Involved In Civil Service

Police. Army.

30. Her Father Loves to Fish

They're loners and appreciate alone time.

31. The "J" Name-Unrequited-Love-Guy, His Dad and Hers are Friends

Billy. Jose Sr.

32. Her Mom is Sweet, but a Bit of a Flake

Our daughters will be just fine...

33. Her Mom is Happily Remarried to a Single Syllable

Phil. Bob.

34. Her Mom Moves From a Southwestern State...

Arizona. Texas.

35. ...To a Southeastern Costal State.

Florida. Georgia.

36. He Has a Younger, Bubbly Sister with Short Dark Hair

Alice. Mia.

37. He Has a Physical, Boisterous Brother

You betchas.

38. That Brother Has an "E" Name

Emmet. Elliot. (Actually "E," followed by a double consonant, ending with a "t.") I'm seriously not making this up.

39. He and She Break Up, Seemingly In Her Own Best Interest

Yes for both, because making her own decisions would be really hard.

40. She's Über Depressed After the Breakup

I'm depressed just thinking about how depressed they were.

41. He and She Get Back Together

Obviously. (See #4 and #17. [Remember you are at #41.])

42. Her Very First Time is Blissed-Out Mind-Blowing Sex

Sure...Right.

43. There is a Very Specific Affinity for a European Brand of Car

Volvo. Audi.

44. A Crazy Lady That He has Wronged Obsessively Tries to Harm Her

Victoria and Leila come after her, not him. WTH!?

45. She Gets Pregnant

Didn't your mother warn you? (See #32)

46. He's Unhappy That She's Pregnant and is Really a Tremendous Jerk About It

Right, because both these gals were alone when they got pregnant.

Jerks.

47. They Get Married

Okay, so this happened earlier in Twilight, but c'mon it was YA literature written by a religious gal. The point is, it happens in both.

48. He and She Get Their Own House

Cottage. Mansion.

49. A Meadow

Two freakin' meadows. Apparently canoodling in a flowery meadow is a thing. I honestly couldn't even tell you where to find a bonafide meadow, let alone ever canoodled in one. But these two couples did.

50. They Live Happily Ever After

Of course. Because everything is perfectly normal now and will be forever. None of them have any emotional damage that will rear it's ugly head ever again...

51. BONUS: I read every page of all of these books and will or have seen all the movies.

Yes I did. Yes I will.

Who can resist gorgeous, rich, and dangerous?

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