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99 Things That Suck Less Than Your Unpaid Internship

I got 99 problems and being an unpaid, underappreciated, and overeducated intern is the worst one.

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1. Hemorrhoids

2. The ending of Titanic

3. Breaking in new cheap shoes

4. Finding out that Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams had broken up

5. Four consecutive Facebook engagement announcements on your News Feed

6. Hearing your employed friends complain about their job

7. Finding out Dan was Gossip Girl — WTF.

8. Putting expired milk in your coffee

9. Leaving your wallet on the subway

10. Your phone having 1% battery life left

11. Dealing with the Delta Airlines "Help" Desk

12. Holding in gas

13. The price of gas

14. Getting so excited about food that you accidentally bite your own tongue

15. Untangling tangled headphones

16. Eating soggy cereal

17. Realizing there is already a Teen Mom 3

18. Losing your phone when it's on silent

19. Learning Willow Smith was 9 when she whipped her hair back and forth

20. When you need to sneeze but it won't come out

21. Reflecting on the fact that you actually studied for your SATs

22. Bad internet connection

23. Bad human connection

24. Ketchup water on your burger

25. Influenza

26. Learning on Facebook that assholes from high school are employed

27. People asking "Can I check us in on Facebook?"

28. Loud chewing

29. Guacamole being an extra $1.50

30. Hearing the words "moist" and "kumquat"

31. Squats

32. Seeing pictures of your ex with his new girlfriend/boyfriend

33. Realizing the only full-time job you've ever had is working on your résumé

34. Root canals

35. Wet socks

36. When they killed Marissa off The OC

37. Realizing the times are no longer new Roman

38. Growing out bangs

39. Someone asking to share your yogurt. Disgusting pervert.

40. Britney's 2007 VMA Performance

41. Realizing you are not and will never be Blue Ivy Carter

42. The Sex and the City movies

43. Baby talk

44. People who spell "patience" like "patients" being employed

45. Birthday dinner "splitting the bill" nonsense

46. Failed attempts at dirty talk

47. Simple bitches

48. Crying babies and their parents who refuse to discipline them

49. Having to pay $80 for a T.I. calculator in high school

50. Being a wallflower — there are no perks.

51. Speaking to people who only talk in TBHs and IDCs

52. Over-plucked eyebrows

53. The anxiety of having too much TV on your queue

54. The way Willow used to talk on Buffy

55. The harassment of Adobe updates

56. Waiting on line at the DMV

57. The paranoia associated with LinkedIn stalking

58. People in Crocs

59. Third-wheeling

60. Having to say "Nice to meet you"

61. "He put a ring on it!" engagement announcements

62. A flood of "Happy New Year" texts

63. The stench of hot garbage juice

64. Self-diagnosed ADHD

65. The correct non-ironic use of #YOLO

66. Tyler Perry presents…

67. Realizing you are adult enough to at least try kale

68. Adult cliques

69. When your favorite TV show goes on hiatus

70. Passive-aggressive "You filled up nicely" remarks

71. Constipation

72. Men who say "shorty"

73. Douchebaggery

74. Flash mobbing

75. People who lean on the poles on NYC subways

76. Accidentally sending embarrassing autocorrects

77. Splinters

78. Getting desperate enough to contemplate grad school

79. John Travolta pronouncing your name

80. People who exclaim "Vegas Baby!"

81. Taylor Swift getting more action than you

82. Back to school sales

83. Florida (this is debatable)

84. Arizona (this is also debatable)

85. Furniture store commercials

86. Overly attentive waiters

87. Waiters who probably definitely spit in your food

88. Bandanas

89. Eye exams

90. People's titles for their Facebook photo albums

91. "Drops of Jupiter" by Train

92. Goatees, soul patches, etc.

93. The CD collection at Starbucks

94. Pink eye

95. New York Times wedding announcements

96. People who still wear "Livestrong" bracelets

97. Drinking warm water

98. Sandra Bullock's douche of an ex

99. The price of gum nowadays


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