1.
waitress: i’m sorry your food is taking so long! me: *presses forehead against hers* listen to me. i know it’s not your fault. i love you. i am tipping you 80%.
2.
*at a restaurant with a baby* separate checks please
3.
My daughter said her English class requires 1,000 pages of summer reading so we went to The Cheesecake Factory and I handed her a menu
4.
torn between getting chinese food for dinner and just fucking dying
5.
[ordering from the dollar menu] me: hi i'll have 7 dollars please
6.
BEFORE HAVING KIDS: "I am NEVER making separate meals for my children" 4 YEARS LATER: "Let me repeat your order: tri-color pasta (al dente) with butter & cheese on a bed of string cheese on a fairy plate, cup of water with star-shaped ice cubes, yogurt two ways, Cheez-Its."
7.
I went through the chick fil a drive through bawling and the girl asked me if I wanted a chocolate or vanilla milkshake. And I was like no I ordered a sweet tea and she goes “no honey you need a milkshake” Service: unmatched
8.
me: hello... yes, one salad please salad person: of course.. your total is $17.82 me: yes.. and .. that seems perfect and normal.. may i have a drink? salad person: yes.. and.. your total is now $23.88 me: yes and thank you very much this is reasonable and great
9.
Parmesan Sir? "Yes please" Say when. *Grates Parmesan* Sir? "..." *Grates fingers* SIR? "..." *Grates entire hand* Please...I have a family.
10.
my friend is the chef at an extremely fancy nyc restaurant and this is an order he received today
11.
My 94-year-old great aunt changed the game by ordering “grapes for the table” at a restaurant.
12.
[chick-fil-a] EMPLOYEE: can i take your order? ME: yes, thank you for asking EMPLOYEE: my pleasure ME: and thank you for saying it was your pleasure EMPLOYEE: please don’t do this ME: oh i’m just getting started
13.
me: Can you swing by Taco Bell? guy driving the ambulance:
14.
waiter, there's a reflection of a sad and lonely man in my soup
15.
I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I'm making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
16.
me @ $2 sandwich: It’s affordable but is it filling? If it’s filling, will it provide me with enough satisfaction? What is the nutritional value of this...? Maybe I should save my money... me @ $4.75 coffee: mmm cofy
17.
Whoever thought of appetizers was literally like "we should pregame this food w more food" and I think that's really beautiful
18.
me: hey put pineapple on the pizza everyone:
19.
Me at Olive Garden looking at the menu knowing damn well I’m getting Chicken Alfredo
20.
Waiter: and for you? Me: *after rehearsing in my head for 15 minutes* the chimney changas
21.
me: i'd like to make a reservation for 2 at 6:00 pm employee: sir, this is a McDonald's me: oh my bad. i'd like a McReservation for 2 at 6:00 pm employee: perfect, see you then