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16 Signs You Are At A South Asian Wedding

No boxed gifts please.

1. The bride's jewelry is worth more than your entire college education:

2. The wedding will never start on time. A 6 p.m. invitation actually means 8 p.m.:


For further reference: "Desi Standard Time"

3. Someone is throwing shade at someone:

4. There is a mutiny if the food is not buffet style:

5. Speaking of food, there are 10 out of 10 chances you will be eating biryani:

6. There is always an "aunty" who comes up to all the single people and asks, "When are you getting married?" or says, "You're next!"


7. Or you've been dragged to this wedding by your parents so they can set you up with someone:


Translation: "Someone has asked for your hand in marriage."

Further Translation: "FML"

8. The invitation says "no boxed gifts please":

It means we want cash.

9. There are hooligan children everywhere. There is no concept of a "kids table":

10. There is always a coordinated dance-off between the groom's side and bride's side:


Fun fact: South Asians have been flash-mobbing for centuries.

11. There is no such thing as a small, intimate wedding. There are 300 guests minimum:


12. Did I mention an average wedding includes, like, five events? Completely clear the month of June, people:


13. If you are at a South Asian wedding in America, there is always one table of non-South Asian co-workers and friends who always look equal parts amazed and confused:

14. There is excessively sappy Bollywood music playing throughout the wedding:


15. The mother of the bride is an emotional wreck:

16. And, of course, photography and videography are essential. You want to remember every moment:

This obsession with photography and videography is an extension of an obsession with Bollywood. Discuss.

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