What Can You Learn From Your Star Sign Today?

This is science.

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What Can You Learn From Your Star Sign Today?

You got: One of your colleagues is going to smear yoghurt over your belongings.

At first, you’ll be angry. But try not to lash out. They’re going through a tough time at home, and they need somebody to talk to. Be the bigger person. Offer them a shoulder to lean on.

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You got: You’re going to reach 10,000 Twitter followers.

This might seem exciting, but things rarely are as they seem. They’ll all be One Direction fans. And you know how crazy they can get. Be careful with what you tweet. You don’t want to anger them.

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You got: You’re going to get arrested.

I know you didn’t commit the crime, but life’s unfair. Things don’t always work out the way we plan them. I’d start working on a cover story soon, if I were you. You’re going to need to make a pretty solid case to avoid being sent to prison.

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You got: Someone’s shown one of your selfies to Craig David.

And guess what? He’s interested. He’ll call you later today, but unfortunately he doesn’t have your mobile number, so he’ll call your mum’s landline. Let’s hope she passes on the message: He’s got a pretty exciting first date planned.

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You got: You’re going to get back together with your first ever partner.

You know the one; you guys snogged behind the bike shed on the school playground. You guys will be really happy together, but one thing’s going to bother you: His feet haven’t grown since he was a child. They look really weird.

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You got: You're going to enter the Big Brother house.

There’s a catch, though. You’ll never be able to leave. This series lasts FOREVER. The Big Brother house is your new home. Say good-bye to your family and friends, you’ll never see them again.

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You got: Your grandma has become a menace on SnapChat.

This evening, she’ll send you her first message. And it’ll never end. From now on, you’ll receive upward of 80 messages a day. She’s a fanatic!

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You got: You’re going to have lasagna for dinner.

Unfortunately you’re going to get the timings slightly wrong, so the pasta will be slightly too al dente, but your guests will eat it anyway. Pick up a bottle of red on your way home; you’ll thank yourself later.

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You got: You’re going to buy a cat.

You’ll name it Tabitha, and you’ll become best friends. It might be a good idea to put a bell on its neck, though. That way, you’ll always know what pesky Tabitha’s up to.

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You got: You're being awarded an honorary degree.

Like celebrities sometimes do. The University of Hull will give you a first class degree in Biology. The only problem is, they’ll spell it wrong on your degree certificate. It’ll say Boilogy. Madness!

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You got: You’ll finally learn how to spell “necessary”.

Without saying “never eat cress, eat salmon sandwiches and remain young". Just think about how much time you’ll save! You could learn a language. You could take up a sport. The world is your oyster.

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You got: You’ve got a secret twin, and you’ll meet them later.

They won’t be hard to spot, because you guys look identical. Upon meeting, your first conversation will be about false eyelashes. You think they’re tacky. Your twin loves them. But it’s OK, you don’t have to share every interest.

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You got: You’re going to seduce a European royal.

Don’t worry, though, it’ll be one of the single ones. It does mean you’re going to have some pretty big decisions to make, though. Can you really handle the fame that’ll come with marrying into royalty? Think long and hard about this one.

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You got: You’ll buy an albino parakeet.

You’ll order it from the Internet, forget all about it and, before you know it, you’ll have a bird roaming freely around your living room. Is that really what you want?

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You got: It’s time to hire a butler.

I mean, think about it. You’ve never enjoyed doing chores, have you? You don’t like ironing. You don’t like tidying. You really hate preparing food. Get a butler; they’ll do all your odd jobs for you. You know it’s the right thing to do.

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You got: You should get in touch with your old Maths teacher.

You may have hated them in school, but things have changed. You’ve grown up. They’ve become more reasonable. Honestly, you’ll become great friends. Look them up on LinkedIn. It’s time to connect.

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You got: It’s time to mix up what you drink.

You’ve been ordering the same thing for too long. Everyone needs a bit of change now and again. Next time you’re out, why not order a white wine spritzer? They’re ever so refreshing.

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You got: You’re going to get into a pretty rowdy fight.

It won’t be your fault, of course, but someone is going to start shouting at you. Why not challenge them to a dance off? You’ve got some really great moves.

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You got: It’s time to become a gardener.

You may not think you have a green thumb, but you’ve got the potential to achieve greatness. Why not start with some peas? They’re very easy to grow, and you’ll be able to make a lovely risotto.

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You got: It’s time to give something back.

Remember that donkey sanctuary advert that made you well up with tears? That was for a reason. They really need your help. Adopt a donkey. Do a good deed. You won’t regret it.

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You got: Your science test was marked wrong.

You know the one. You were 13 when you took it. You suspected you'd been robbed of an A back then. Your teacher had a personal vendetta against you. Phone your old school. It’s high time justice is served.

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You got: You’re going to be bitten by an owl.

It’ll hurt, of course it will. But it will give you magical powers. Use them wisely.

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You got: You’re going to order a sandwich for lunch tomorrow, and there’ll just be too much filling.

You’ll try to eat it at your desk, and it’ll be an absolute disaster. You’ll get meat all over your keyboard. Wear a bib. You wouldn’t want to get your shirt dirty, would you?

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You got: You are going to fall out of a window.

But don’t be alarmed. By some incredible twist of fate, your shoelace will get caught around a branch and your life will be saved. You’ll even make the local news! Make sure you’re wearing something nice!

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You got: It’s time to book a holiday to Scandinavia.

You’ve wanted to go for a while, haven’t you? Saunas, lakes, rye bread. What’s not to like. Just make sure you take a cruise. That’s the only way you’ll truly unleash your inner Viking!

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You got: Mirrors and photographs have been lying to you for your whole life.

You don’t look how you think you look. Think about it, have you ever seen your actual self? No. You have not. Now you know the truth, all you have to do is work out how the rest of the world sees you. Good luck!

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You got: You’re pregnant.

Go out. Buy a test. Pee on a stick. See for yourself. You’ve got a lot of preparation to do, because in nine months you’ll be welcoming a new person into the world. Best of luck!

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You got: Your current hairstyle doesn’t suit you.

Book yourself a hair appointment pronto, it’s time to change your look. Why not go radical? Shave half of it off. Dye one half green. Whatever you decide, it’ll be an improvement on whatever it is you’re rocking right now.

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