4. The Christian who just wants to make sure you’re keeping hydrated.
Why do religious people always give drunk girls water? Who cares? When it’s 3am, you’ve just stumbled out of the Roxy and you’re sweating Apple VK from every pore of your skin, water tastes like the sweetest nectar. Even if you do have to talk about your sins as you sip.
6. The girl whose Oyster card definitely does work.
You know this girl. She’s standing on the road side, crying. The bus driver briefly considers leaving her, but ends up taking pity and stopping. Her Oyster card doesn’t work. He won’t let her on. She won’t leave. You’re stuck for a good 15 minutes while she lists every top up transaction she’s made in the last month.
8. The man who hasn’t eaten for 16 years and has decided to catch up now.
There’s mayonnaise dripping down his chin, chicken bones strewn around his feet and bits of chips hang from his facial hair. There’s no guarantee that this man even bought the food he’s consuming. He may have just found it on the floor of the bus and seized the opportunity.
10. The night shift worker, aka the world’s sleepiest man.
Maybe he’s got his eyes closed, maybe he keeps accidentally falling asleep and hitting his head on the window or maybe he’s packed a travel pillow with him in preparation for his hour-long nighttime commute across London. With this man, there’s just one golden rule: leave him alone. He hasn’t slept in months.
15. The girls who’ve just been to a hen party.
Their false eyelashes are half way down their cheeks, they’ve got vomit in their hair and they’re having loud, graphic conversations about confusingly experimental sex. Possibly accompanied by role-play demonstrations that they’ll photograph and upload to Facebook with captions like “wooooo luv my girlies 2k13 !!! ! xxoxox”.