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    21 Jokes About First Dates That Are Funny Because They Are True

    *on a first date* Me: [remembering how my friend said women like mysterious men] my favorite color is a secret.


    *first date* Him: You have a very defined jawline. Me: Thanks! I chew a lot.


    *on a first date* Me: [remembering how my friend said women like mysterious men] my favorite color is a secret


    [1st date] DATE: When I'm with a handsome man I get all nervous & involuntarily start speaking French ME [leans across] Oh really? DATE: Yes


    Me on a 1st date: so yes I have a dog he is my child I need assure that u will be a positive influence in his life. Is that a problem?


    First date *dont let him know you been stalking him Him- so my brother just got deployed Me: Josh or Brian?


    [First date] Him:"Waiter!" Waiter:"Sir?" Him:"Could you check the toilets? My date has been gone 2 hours. Also, her coat has been stolen"


    [First Date] Me: "I'm sorry. It's just that I've been burned before." *Stuffs handful of fries through visor in hazmat suit *Closes visor


    [first date] HER: It looks like you work out ME: *adjusting the tissues in my sleeves* Oh yeah, big time worker outer


    [1st date] Maybe next time i could meet your dog [2nd date] Your dog is so cool [3rd date] Do u mind if me & your dog hung out without you


    [first date] Him: You're amazing! I'm having a great time! Me: I will fight you for the rest of this pizza.


    [first date] Him: Why are you being so distant? Me: Why didn't you order a side of guacamole?


    [first date] Her: I love your scent, what is it? Me: desperation.


    [first date] ME: I'm having a great time HER: I'm not ME: *peeking out from my pillow fort* I don't even let my dog in here, Janet


    [first date] her: so, tell me about yourself! me: well, im not good with dates her: but you're doing fine! me: christmas is on september 3rd


    [first date] HER: I really like you ME: I like you too HER: So did you bring protection? ME: *gesturing to my bodyguard* Yeah, this is Tony


    [first date] Her: I just love eating clean and staying healthy, you know? Me:*flashback to the time I cry-ate two lasagnas* Totally


    *lights dim in restaurant* DATE: did it just become sexier in here? ME: I CAN'T SEE MY MENU


    [First Date] Him: Great dress. Me: Oh, this? *flips hair* *twirls* *skirt flares* *foot catches* *face plants* Him: Me: Hey! Come back!


    [first date] Her: omg are you wearing a cape? Lol Me: [texting mom] ok you were right about the cape


    [first date] me: don't let her know you vocalise everything you think her: what? me: shit she knows


    First date Him: What do you do? Me [pulls out a Victoria's Secret catalog that I've clearly glued photos of my face into] "I'm a model."

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