Skip To Content
    Posted on Aug 29, 2016

    21 Jokes About First Dates That Are Funny Because They Are True

    *on a first date* Me: [remembering how my friend said women like mysterious men] my favorite color is a secret.

    1.

    *first date* Him: You have a very defined jawline. Me: Thanks! I chew a lot.

    2.

    *on a first date* Me: [remembering how my friend said women like mysterious men] my favorite color is a secret

    3.

    [1st date] DATE: When I'm with a handsome man I get all nervous & involuntarily start speaking French ME [leans across] Oh really? DATE: Yes

    4.

    Me on a 1st date: so yes I have a dog he is my child I need assure that u will be a positive influence in his life. Is that a problem?

    5.

    First date *dont let him know you been stalking him Him- so my brother just got deployed Me: Josh or Brian?

    6.

    [First date] Him:"Waiter!" Waiter:"Sir?" Him:"Could you check the toilets? My date has been gone 2 hours. Also, her coat has been stolen"

    7.

    [First Date] Me: "I'm sorry. It's just that I've been burned before." *Stuffs handful of fries through visor in hazmat suit *Closes visor

    8.

    [first date] HER: It looks like you work out ME: *adjusting the tissues in my sleeves* Oh yeah, big time worker outer

    9.

    [1st date] Maybe next time i could meet your dog [2nd date] Your dog is so cool [3rd date] Do u mind if me & your dog hung out without you

    10.

    [first date] Him: You're amazing! I'm having a great time! Me: I will fight you for the rest of this pizza.

    11.

    [first date] Him: Why are you being so distant? Me: Why didn't you order a side of guacamole?

    12.

    [first date] Her: I love your scent, what is it? Me: desperation.

    13.

    [first date] ME: I'm having a great time HER: I'm not ME: *peeking out from my pillow fort* I don't even let my dog in here, Janet

    14.

    [first date] her: so, tell me about yourself! me: well, im not good with dates her: but you're doing fine! me: christmas is on september 3rd

    15.

    [first date] HER: I really like you ME: I like you too HER: So did you bring protection? ME: *gesturing to my bodyguard* Yeah, this is Tony

    16.

    [first date] Her: I just love eating clean and staying healthy, you know? Me:*flashback to the time I cry-ate two lasagnas* Totally

    17.

    *lights dim in restaurant* DATE: did it just become sexier in here? ME: I CAN'T SEE MY MENU

    18.

    [First Date] Him: Great dress. Me: Oh, this? *flips hair* *twirls* *skirt flares* *foot catches* *face plants* Him: Me: Hey! Come back!

    19.

    [first date] Her: omg are you wearing a cape? Lol Me: [texting mom] ok you were right about the cape

    20.

    [first date] me: don't let her know you vocalise everything you think her: what? me: shit she knows

    21.

    First date Him: What do you do? Me [pulls out a Victoria's Secret catalog that I've clearly glued photos of my face into] "I'm a model."

    BuzzFeed Daily

    Keep up with the latest daily buzz with the BuzzFeed Daily newsletter!

    Newsletter signup form