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79 Thoughts Every Teenage Girl Had Reading Mizz Magazine

Cringe!

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1. OK, that is actually the nicest flower keyring I have ever seen.

2. It looks something Lizzie McGuire would wear.

3. I mean, I don't have my own keys yet but when I do, I will definitely use this.

4. That keyring is totally worth more than £1.40, so even if I don't end up reading the magazine, this is a good purchase.

5. I wish I could be a Mizz cover girl.

6. That girl isn't loaaaaaaads prettier than me.

7. But I do have braces.

8. Gaaaaaaad, why are my braces ruining my life?

9. OK, let's head straight to the best section: Cringe!

10. Omg, I would actually die if I wore white trousers on the day of my period!!!

11. Especially if my crush pointed it out!!!

12. Redfaced babe, I feel you.

13. I am 10/10 scared of getting my period: I guess that's why Mizz's agony aunt has a special period column.

14. Imagine writing into that though.

15. "Hey mum, can I have a stamp? I need to write into Mizz's agony aunt to find out if I can use a tampon at Helen's swimming party?"

16. My mum would just laugh at me.

17. OK, these customised clothes look amazing.

18. Fearne and Holly look so nice in those boob tubes.

19. Mum would kill me if I cut one of my tops into a boob tube.

20. Come to think of it, she'd also get really angry if I gave my bedroom a feng shui makeover.

21. Oh no.

22. I can't believe it.

23. I totally keep my bin at the end of my bed.

24. That's why my love life's rubbish.

25. No wonder I don't have a boyfriend.

26. Tbf, I'm never gonna get a boyfriend while I have these braces.

27. If I ever kissed someone, my braces would get stuck to theirs, and I'd have to write into Cringe!

28. I'd win £15 though.

29. Which I could spend on a dream catcher.

30. Which would definitely help the ~eNeRgY~ of my bedroom.

31. I'm going to enter a competition to win a modelling contract.

32. I can just not smile.

33. I'll be like Victoria Beckham, but with secret braces.

34. Oooooh, maybe I'll enter a competition to join Mizz for a day.

35. I bet the Mizz offices are sooooo much fun.

36. I bet they all know how to use clear mascara.

37. And cheek tint.

38. Right, so I have to do everything on the Summer Special Bucket List.

39. I'll start by organising a clothes swap this half term.

40. But I don't see how it would work: All my friends are different sizes.

41. And I don't want to get changed in front of them.

42. Maybe I can just sell all my old clothes at a car boot sale.

43. But I don't think I'm going to find the platform wedges I want at my village car boot sale.

44. Godddd, why do I live in the middle of nowhere?

45. Orlando Bloom is so cute.

46. He would probably think I was minging though.

47. I need to get myself on one of these Before and Afters.

48. If I was wearing a full face of Collection 2000 make-up, I would probably look like Cat Deeley.

49. Or Jennifer Ellison.

50. Then Orlando Bloom would fancy me.

51. Oh my god, we are the same star sign.

52. That means we are obviously meant to be.

53. Ohhh, I wonder if I am a Bounce Back Babe?

54. Thankfully there's a flow chart that'll tell me.

55. Damn.

56. I'm Miss Forever Deflated.

57. That's OK, though. The next page teaches me how to be a Pulling Pro.

58. But when it says "pucker up", what does it mean?

59. I'm probably never going to kiss anyone, am I?

60. The closest I'll get to real boys are my Top Totty posters.

61. Gareth Gates is pretty buff, though.

62. Ooooh, dream analysis!

63. I can't believe Keisha from the Sugababes had the same dream as me!

64. Talking of the Sugababes, my life would improve 100% if "Round Round" were my ringtone.

65. I don't even care if Dad tells me off for wasting all my credit: I need to text 4750 right now.

66. OK, I have to save these Spooky pages for Kate's sleepover.

67. And these spells.

68. It'll be so good when we cast love spells on our crushes and they fall in love with us.

69. I don't know any boys though, so I don't know who I'd cast my spell on.

70. Simon Webbe, probably.

71. Emma Watson is really cool and everything, but I think I would have been a better Hermione than her.

72. When I read the books, I imagined Hermione slightly plumper, with a fringe that she's kind of trying to grow out so her parents don't notice, and braces.

73. Damn, I just imagined myself.

74. I bet Emma Watson owns every single Barry M eye shadow.

75. And I bet this "Decoding Boys" article would actually be really useful to her because I bet Harry and Ron both really fancy her.

76. Whereas I don't know any boys to decode.

77. Right, where's the phone? I need Kate to take this bezzie mate quiz with me.

78. We'd better get Hilary and Hayley Duff.

79. I'd better be Hilary.

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