1. First things first: The best nightclub in Chester is Rosies. This is not up for debate.
Everyone from Chester has regrets about their time spent in Rosies, but that doesn't make it a bad place.
2. You could easily get into Rosies before you were 18, because provided you got there early (we're talking pre-9pm), you didn't get ID'd.
But you obviously brought your mate's older sister's ID along with you just in case.
3. And thanks to the (horribly named) 3-in-a-bed deal, getting a drink at both The Red Lion and Lakota first guaranteed you free entry.
The Red Lion was an old man pub with more quiz machines than staff, and Lakota exclusively served fruity cocktails.
4. You have taken part in at least one regrettable pole-based photoshoot at Rosies.
Thank god for the first floor pole.
5. And you've drunk more sambuca chambers than you care to remember.
For some reason, inhaling the gas before drinking your drink was weirdly popular back then.
6. You've definitly had a nap on the second floor sofa area at some point in your life.
That black leatherette makes for a lovely, little napping spot.
7. You've also fallen down the incredibly steep staircase that Rosies is built around on multiple occasions.
For no obvious reason, Rosies is built over three floors and the staircase that connects them all is about eight times as steep as your average staircase.
8. But hands down the best thing about Rosies is the hot dog stand in the middle of it's second floor dance floor.
Welp, my rosies hot dog didn't look to good this morning in the toilet #memorialday
Scrap getting drunk food after you've been clubbing; Rosies let you dance with a greasy hotdog covered in fried onions in your hand
9. If you were a very classy teenager, you may have preferred Cruise.
When Cruise opened, there was a clear split between Rosies loyalists and Cruise traitors.
10. Where you will have taken part in at least one regrettable cage-based photoshoot.
It was a rite of passage.
11. The best part of Cruise is the light up dance floor in the Manhattan themed room of the club.
It's legit fun to dance on because it lights up.
12. And the worst part is the entirely white painted Swedish-themed room.
Cruise's rooms are themed by place (Manhattan, Sweden, Moscow, the UK, Bangkok, and Puerto Banus, obviously). But the Swedish room is 100% white paint so it looks like a hospital with a DJ booth in it.
13. Every time you went to Cruise, you saw one table of 30-something men who had booked out a table and were drinking club champagne with a plastic cork...
14. ... but you also saw at least one person from Hollyoaks.
So glam!
15. The best place to pre-drink in Chester was Revs.
Where, on a Saturday night, if you predicted the barman's coin toss, he'd double your order for free.
16. And the worst was Off The Wall.
It smelled of vomit, your arms got stuck to the bar, and there was always one couple aggressively making out on the pool table.
17. And every Chester night out ended by taking your heels off, sitting down at the cross, and ordering a taxi.
Everyone got taxis from the same place.
18. Followed by a short diversion to McDonald's on the way home.
The perfect end to the perfect night in the perfect city.
