46 Situations That Make Twentysomething Grandmas Feel Bad
"Sorry I'm busy tonight." = "I need to eat pasta on the sofa in my pyjamas."
1. Cancelling plans with a friend because you’d rather spend the evening eating a bowl of pasta on your sofa.
2. And feeling secretly pleased if your friend cancels on you first.
3. Leaving a birthday party just as it starts getting fun so you can be in bed by 10pm.
4. Or not going to the party at all and asking your friend if you can take them out for a birthday lunch instead.
5. Actively looking forward to winter because your jumper collection really comes into its own in the cold weather.
6. Hogging the bathroom for an entire evening because there’s nothing better than enjoying a good book and a glass of wine in the bath.
7. Spending your entire month’s paycheck on a new kitchen gadget.
8. And maybe a new set of matching pyjamas.
9. And a couple of scented candles.
10. Stealing your S.O.’s snuggliest jumper and having absolutely no intention of ever returning it.
11. Point blank refusing to go clubbing, even if your best friend has just gone through a break up and really wants to go dancing.
12. Insisting on buying snacks if you know you’re going to be out late.
13. Getting genuinely excited every time you have to go to IKEA because you know you’ll make a day of it.
14. And then stocking up on IKEA food from the mini supermarket after the tills.
15. Shushing people if they talk over the TV.
16. Spending more money on subscriptions to Netflix, Spotify, and Audible than your actual social life.
17. And spending more money on food than all of the above.
18. Asking all your friends if they need the loo whenever you get up to leave a restaurant.
19. Feeling smug because the weather is terrible but you remembered to wear a warm coat and pack an umbrella.
20. Turning down a dinner invitation because you know you’ve got food in the fridge at home.
21. Watching three hours of back-to-back Grand Designs instead of going outside when the weather's nice.
22. And then sneaking in a couple of episodes of Masterchef before you go to bed.
23. Baking, and then subsequently eating, more than one tasty treat at the weekend.
24. Agreeing to watch a movie with your housemate one evening, but then promptly falling asleep and missing the entire plot.
25. Getting to any social engagement at least 15 minutes early and secretly resenting anyone who shows up even a minute late.
26. Grabbing the first available table at any pub you visit because you’re simply too old to stand in a circle with your bags in the middle.
27. Refusing to update the apps on your phone, even though you know you're compromising your security, because you just don’t understand.
28. Wanting to see a play, but insisting on going to the matinee because you know you’re not going to manage a late night during the week.
29. Refusing to wear heels, even if you’re going to a wedding, and opting for a practical shoe instead.
30. Losing entire Sundays to napping.
31. Hosting a dinner party and then asking your friends to leave at 10.30pm because you’ve got to exfoliate and get a good night’s sleep.
32. Spending more than you need to on plane tickets because realistically you’re not going to do well on a 6am flight.
33. Insisting on getting to the airport at least three hours before your plane takes off.
34. And refusing to let your S.O. spend any time in the shops because you have to get to your gate the moment it’s announced.
35. Keeping your favourite mug at your desk so that no one else in the office steals it.
36. Being genuinely annoyed if someone suggests going out for dinner when you know you have TV to catch up on.
37. Buying biscuits for your treat cupboard and then accidentally eating the entire pack in one sitting.
38. Feeling really healthy because you’ve just gone on a long walk, and then eating an entire roast dinner and pudding.
39. Spending more money than you need to on vegetables because you can’t give up your organic veg box.
40. Asking your housemate to keep it down because you’re reading a really good book.
41. Buying a bunch of flowers every time you go to the supermarket because they just make your home so much nicer.
42. Feeling smug when your colleagues say they didn’t do much at the weekend, because you cleaned your entire house, did a food shop, and got through your pile of ironing.
43. Buying everyone incredibly practical Christmas and birthday gifts.
44. Like fluffy socks and hand cream.
45. Telling your friends to put a coat on if they’re going out without one and you’re worried they’re going to catch a chill.
46. And not spending enough time with your actual grandma, because she’s the best.