2. Apparently a sizeable marching band has moved into the space your brain used to occupy.
Lesson 2: Alternate between taking paracetamol and ibuprofen on the hour, every hour. Even when you think you feel better, don’t stop. This is just your body playing a nasty trick on you. Don’t fall for it.
13. Oh god. You’ve hit the post-lunch slump.
Lesson 13: It’s time to get the sunny Gs out again. You can sleep for 10 seconds at a time, behind the shades, without anyone noticing. If you struggle to open your eyes once your 10 seconds are up, bite your tongue really hard.
16. And now you’re sleepy again.
Lesson 16: OK, it’s time for a quick round of Facebook back-stalk. This involves Facebook stalking your three fittest friends and looking at their oldest picture. They’re likely to have been significantly less attractive as teenagers. This will make you laugh which will, in turn, wake you up.