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21 Lessons Every Twentysomething Learns On Their First Trip To Ikea

Take. A. Meatball. Break.

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1. As soon as you enter the showroom, you'll have an overwhelming desire to run around, make a fake cup of tea, and then get into bed.


You'll feel like a grown-up! Running around in a grown-up shop! Making fake tea in a grown-up shop! Getting into bed in a grown-up shop!

2. And then you'll take a whole bunch of selfies in kitchens you can't afford.

"One day this will be mine. ONE DAY."

3. If you're with your S.O., everything you do will feel like a massive cliché.

"This is a relationship milestone!" the clichéd voice in your head will shout. "Look at me making commitments to bae via the medium of affordable Scandinavian furniture!"


4. You'll steal as many of these bad boys as you can.

You don't need 500 pencils, but you can't help yourself. You've become a pencil hoarder.

5. And before long, you'll get distracted by the cuddly toys.

You don't need them. You know you don't need them. But you didn't know cuddly broccoli and carrots existed before now. Maybe you do need them?

6. But the room that really gets you is the ~bits~ room, aka scented-candle heaven.

You never know when you'll need 500 vanilla scented tea lights.

7. At this point you'll start asking yourself questions like, "Could I be the kind of person who grows herbs?"

8. "Could we be the kind of people who get pre-cooled water out of the fridge at dinnertime?"

9. "Could I be the kinda gal who slices her eggs?"

You'll answer "yes" to all of these questions and leave the showroom with more ~bits~ that you could possibly need.


12. Doing this will be fun for five minutes...

...but once you've run over five unsuspecting children, you'll start cursing the parents who didn't leave their children in the creche at the entrance.

13. Before you leave, you'll pay a trip to the food shop.

Where you'll pick up kanelbullar, Daim, and unidentifiable jams. Obviously.

14. You'll soon learn that there's an art to getting all of your new furniture into your car.

It involves leaving your windows open, making at least one passenger sit underneath a Billy bookshelf, and driving verrrrry, verrrrry slowly.


16. At first you'll like Ikea's friendly little instructions man.

So helpful! So round! Such a nice chap!

18. You'll soon realise that it is possible to break your body by building furniture for too long.

This realisation will hit you when you go to unlock your iPhone with your thumb and it no longer recognises your thumbprint.

19. And you'll realise that you didn't buy the (very expensive) lightbulbs for the (very cheap) lights you bought.

This is how they get you!


20. And so, despite having spent more money than you'd budgeted for, you'll have to go back for more.

"Let's go back next weekend," you'll cheer, as the anxiety sets in.