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I Used "Geordie Shore" Lines On Tinder And This Is What I Learned About Men

"You look like the cat who got chlamydia."

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The ladies of Geordie Shore are known for having a way with words.

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They know how to charm men.

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They've mastered the art of subtle flirting.

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They exhibit a certain je ne sais quoi.

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I, however, am rubbish at flirting. I know nothing about men or how their minds work.

But I was willing to learn.

So I downloaded Tinder and got to work sending unsuspecting men Geordie Shore quotes to see if I could master the art of ~talking to men~.

I had one rule: only Geordie Shore quotes allowed.
Tabatha Leggett / BuzzFeed

I had one rule: only Geordie Shore quotes allowed.

First up, I matched with the lovely Max. It didn't go well, but I did learn my first lesson.

Max taught me that women with their pants pulled down are not the most enticing to men.
Tabatha Leggett / BuzzFeed

Max taught me that women with their pants pulled down are not the most enticing to men.

Perhaps I was coming on a bit strong. So with my next match, Robert, I played my cards differently. I went straight in with an insult.

But he didn't get it. It wasn't working. Lesson two: You should not insult men straightaway. You must lay the groundwork first.
Tabatha Leggett / BuzzFeed

But he didn't get it. It wasn't working. Lesson two: You should not insult men straightaway. You must lay the groundwork first.

I needed to change my tactics. Perhaps if I told the men what I didn't want, they'd be more responsive. That's what I tried with Demis. But tbh, he just seemed a bit confused.

Lesson learned: Loads of tiny willies scare men.
Tabatha Leggett / BuzzFeed

Lesson learned: Loads of tiny willies scare men.

But then things started to take a turn for the better. I messaged lothario Kevin a classic menstruation-based chat up line, and he bloody loved it!

Tabatha Leggett / BuzzFeed
Tabatha Leggett / BuzzFeed

My first drink offer! And I didn't even need to tell him I was ready for my clit to tingle! Lesson learned: Men like it when your body parts are caused to feel a prickling sensation!

My period line was a killer! It was time to try it out on sexy, sexy John. And it went really well. Until he got a bit sexist and I got carried away with my old insults.

Tabatha Leggett / BuzzFeed
Tabatha Leggett / BuzzFeed

Not to worry, I thought. I had a pensioner line in the bag. I was worried it might be a bit too much for sex god James, but he absolutely loved it.

Tabatha Leggett / BuzzFeed
Tabatha Leggett / BuzzFeed

He was even responding well to my insults! But just as we were getting somewhere, I learnt my most important lesson yet: Men don't want their cocks to be limited to poking only eyes.

Tabatha Leggett / BuzzFeed

As I continued, the men just kept teaching me more and more. Tally taught me that men like to talk about vomit.

Tabatha Leggett / BuzzFeed

Abdellah taught me that French really is the language of lurve.

Tabatha Leggett / BuzzFeed
Tabatha Leggett / BuzzFeed

And Edward offered me an absolute bargain.

He didn't respond well to me being mean though. Each to their own, £2 Edward.
Tabatha Leggett / BuzzFeed

He didn't respond well to me being mean though. Each to their own, £2 Edward.

But Casanova Paul was my winner. He gave me his number, and all I had to do was talk about my tingling clit.

Tabatha Leggett / BuzzFeed
Tabatha Leggett / BuzzFeed

Lessons learned: Men like it when women talk dirty.

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But not all men!