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Dec 18, 2014

How Paris Hilton Won 2014: An Academic Study

New York City bitch.

1. Paris Hilton isn't like other people. That's because she's a DJ, lyricist, and philosopher.

2. In 2014, she released the song of the century. It is called "Come Alive" and this is a collage of screenshots from the video that she made herself and posted on Instagram.

3. One of the lyrics is "My life can get so crazy". The level of craziness to which she refers is demonstrated by this unicorn, which also appears in the music video.

4. 2014 was the year that Paris Hilton made up with Kim Kardashian.

This was significant because Paris previously stated that Kim Kardashian's whole family owes her "life".

But now they're friends again! Look! A heartfelt message from Paris to Kim! It brings a tear to the eye!

Keep looking! A heartfelt message from Kim to Paris! It bring brings a tear to the other eye!

5. In 2014, Paris tilted her head back and laughed in Lil Kim's general direction.

6. She also decorated the best Christmas tree the world has ever seen.

7. And she went to India, which she found "so interesting & unique".

8. Paris also posted many motivational messages to her followers.

Mostly, they were to do with loving life, not sleeping very much, and blocking out haters.

She posted approx 999million of these quotes.

9. Here she is, just living her crazy life.

10. Just taking a break in her chair.

11. Just having a casual dip.

12. Just taking a night off to catch up on laundry.

13. Of course, every time she moved between New York and Miami she told us bitch.

She always let us know bitch.

Seriously bitch.

That last picture inspired this guy to apply for a job as Paris' "peasant".

14. Maybe he wanted to see her club room that was temporarily transformed into her art room in 2014.

15. Maybe he wanted to nap, with her dogs, beside this pillow with her name on it.

16. Maybe he just wanted to *be* one of the Hilton sisters.

17. Maybe it was this guy? Who knows? Paris Hilton's fan base knows no bounds.

18. In 2014, Paris wore this ~important~ dress.

19. She cooked this ~delicious~ pizza.

20. And she sat on this ~fancy~ car.

21. She also just won #tbt.

In that picture on the left, baby Paris receives her first Valentine's cake, which I did not know was a thing until now.

22. But Paris is still a child at <3 heart <3. Look at her snuggling up with her ted!

23. Cuddling all these cute animals!

24. And dressing up as Minnie Mouse!

25. Actually, she pretty much won fancy dress in 2014. Check out her Audrey Hepburn.

26. Check out her Playboy bunny.

27. Check out her Rapunzel.

28. And look at what she did to her dogs!

29. Now look at her accepting your praise. All fresh-faced and humble.

30. But none of those things are the best thing Paris did in 2014. The best thing Paris did in 2014 was type out the words "You are the artist of your own life, make it beautiful" and overlay them over a picture of her own face.

31. Because, when it comes to Paris, she lays her heart on the line.

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