2. Large heart tattoos that say “FAMILY” across the middle of them belong exclusively to tramps who walk dogs on bits of old rope.
They don’t belong on your arm, Sophie Ellis Bexter.
9. If you’re going to insist upon circling your entire left eye with a garish pattern, make sure you copyright it first.
Mike Tyson learned the hard way, when The Hangover Part II copied his COOL design.
10. Inscribing meaningless nouns in the font Old Fashioned is unattractive. Adding a large lion will not improve the situation.
OK, Mena Suvari?
11. Homes are for living in, not drawing on backs.
Soz, Lena Dunham.
14. There are better ways to express an enthusiasm for geography than by tattooing the longitudes and latitudes of your childrens’ birthplaces onto your arm.
It just looks terrible, Angelina Jolie.
15. If you want to get a tattoo in a foreign language, pay Google Translate a cheeky visit.
That way, Britney, your “mysterious” tattoo won’t end up saying “strange.”
And your “God” tattoo won’t be spelled incorrectly.
And Rihanna wouldn’t have got her French adjectives and nouns mixed up: “rebelle fleur” = “flower rebel.” Oops.
17. Even if Rod Stewart’s your dad, tattooing “Daddy’s Little Girl” on your lower hip is creepy.
And don’t wear a skirt drawing attention to its placement, Kimberly Stewart.
18. Never tattoo your face onto your back.
Really, Steve-O. It’s unnecessary.
20. And ice creams are for eating, not getting permanently etched into your cheeks.
Why did Gucci Mane do this? “I live my life cool as ice… as in I’m so icy I’ll make ya say ‘Brr,’” he explained. Glad that’s cleared up.
22. Don’t lie.
You’re not a virgin, Nicole Richie. You have a child.
26. Don’t ever (EVER) get your husband’s name tattooed onto your wrist. When you divorce, you’ll only end up crossing it out.
Won’t you, Katie Price?
27. Don’t design your tattoo when you are 12 years old.
Because it will look really bad. Won’t it, Christina Ricci?