Raise your hand if you've ever been personally rejected by a prestigious writing program 🙋🙋🙋
The legendary singer died today at age 76.
"Mayonnaise is the glue that holds the patriarchy together."
TOO...MUCH...*gasps for air*...LATE CAPITALISM...
I'm never eating ramen again.
*whispers to self* I want Henry to snuggle my freshly-worn socks and pajamas.
Insta Repeat is COMING 👏 FOR 👏 US 👏
I'm having heart palpitations 🤙 🤙 🤙
"What are you proud of, but never have an excuse to talk about?"
Doug the Pug has an estimated net worth of $500,000!!!!!!!!
"I'M LIKE THE CRYPT KEEPER!!!!!!!!"
SPLOOT 👏 AND 👏 RESIST 👏
MAKE PEACE WITH PUGS!!!
I WANT TO BOOK HIM FOR MY BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!!!!!!
"Justin Bieber HATES being alone, you heard it here first."
Yes, the hashtag "#watermelonbasting" is a thing now.
GET 👏 YOU 👏 A 👏 MAN 👏 WHO 👏 HYPES 👏 UP 👏 YOUR 👏 BOOTY 👏 PICS. 👏
"enjoy your terrible decision ma'am." —John Mulaney
"Right before he died, he asked his father not to bury him in the ground so he wouldn't have to eternally rest in the dark."
Zig-a-zig-OH MY GOD?!?!?!?!