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32 Reasons Why I Could Never Be A Millennial

TLDR; nothing worked that well and TV shows were a lot more problematic.

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Recently, my millennial coworker Ryan wrote a piece saying that he doesn't understand Gen Z.

BBC

So as one of BuzzFeed's resident Gen Z-ers, I've decided to share some of the MAAAAAAAAANY things I don't understand about millennials, and why I, personally, could NEVA EVA be one. (Just to clarify: No hate, just...confusion.)

1. '90s haircuts.

Like, no offense, but were you '90s kids BLIND?!
thes4p.com

Like, no offense, but were you '90s kids BLIND?!

2. Dial-up internet.

Back in the day, millennials apparently couldn't be on their phone and use the internet at the same time... Now all I do is go on the internet on my phone.
aol.com

Back in the day, millennials apparently couldn't be on their phone and use the internet at the same time... Now all I do is go on the internet on my phone.

3. TV shows were WAAAAAAAAY more problematic.

View this video on YouTube

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Like on Gilmore Girls when Luke called Kirk's bag "gay"? Or the whole "fat Monica" running gag on Friends? Or, IDK, literally any of these!!! 100% would NOT FLY in 2018.

4. Saved by the Bell in general.

View this video on YouTube

youtube.com

The brilliant folks over at Funny or Die even made this whole series, aptly titled Zack Morris Is Trash, to delve into the problematic nature of the show (and especially its protagonist). This episode's called "The Time Zack Morris Lied About Being Jewish To Go To A Baseball Game"!

5. Buying CDs.

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Life before a Spotify subscription? Tragic.

6. Or buying any kind of physical media, for that matter.

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I think the last time I saw one of these antiques was next to my grandparents' toilet, reserved solely for long poops. Print is dead!!!

7. Not having a finsta.

instagram.com, instagram.com

For those of you who are a little lost, "rinsta" means "real Instagram" and is where Gen Z-ers post their more attractive, presentable pictures. A "finsta" means "fake Instagram" and is almost always private, and only followed by close friends. Finstas are where we post more ~unflattering~ pictures, party pictures, and memes, usually.

8. Getting internet in the mail...?

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How did this even work?! And furthermore, were there even any websites people actually WANTED to spend 250 hours on back then?!

9. Having to call the restaurant to order food.

NBC

TBH I have anxiety just thinking about this.

10. Printing out MapQuest directions.

This is giving me flashbacks of my family road trip in 2004. The scent of hot dogs from 7/11, the popping sound of our minivan's back left tire, my father's subsequent subdued rage...*sighs nostalgically*.
bu.edu

This is giving me flashbacks of my family road trip in 2004. The scent of hot dogs from 7/11, the popping sound of our minivan's back left tire, my father's subsequent subdued rage...*sighs nostalgically*.

11. Skip-Its.

I've played with a couple of these in my day, and all I remember is that taking one to the ankle hurts like a BINCH!
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I've played with a couple of these in my day, and all I remember is that taking one to the ankle hurts like a BINCH!

12. Putting food on your fingers???

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Fruit Roll-Ups? Bugles?! On your FINGIES?! Ew!!! This is reason #5346 why I carry around tiny bottles of CVS hand sanitizer AT 👏 ALL 👏 TIMES. 👏

13. These dumb things where you stick one finger in each end and then they get stuck and it's supposed to be "fun."

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You KNEW what was going to happen, but you always did it anyway. Why were you like this?

14. Also, always having to be on time to things because you couldn't text your friend, "running late sry!"

CBS

A real and valid nightmare.

15. And when you finally got a shiny new Nokia, having to press buttons MULTIPLE TIMES to get to a letter while texting.

Sexting must've really built up a lot of 266844422244462844466666. Just saying.
Pavel_korr / Getty Images

Sexting must've really built up a lot of 266844422244462844466666. Just saying.

16. Blowing into things to get them to work.

Instagram: @_todayskidswillneverknoww_

TBH I don't even know what he's blowing into???

17. Going to Blockbuster.

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All I remember is having a temper tantrum when they didn't have the Mary-Kate and Ashley movie I wanted, so I'm gonna agree to disagree on this one.

18. Watching a movie and wondering, "Where have I seen that actor?"

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My dad once met Mario Lopez and told me that, up close, it looks like he doesn't have any pores. IDK why I brought this up, but it's just always stayed with me.

19. Having to look things up in an encyclopedia.

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Honestly, being smart was so much more work back then. Shout-outs to Google for getting me through school!!! #blessed

20. Having to look up shows in the TV guide.

Like, what's The O.C.?
TV Guide

Like, what's The O.C.?

21. Having someone tell you, "OMG, you have to listen to this band!" and then having to be like, "Yeah, fat chance I'm gonna spend $15 on that."

Discovering new music back then sounds...expensive.
Syd Robinson / Zoff-photo / Getty Images

Discovering new music back then sounds...expensive.

22. Scratches on CDs and DVDs.

"There's a scratch on the DVD? Oh well, guess you're just not gonna know if Mike and Sully get Boo back to her door..."
Delpixart / Getty Images

"There's a scratch on the DVD? Oh well, guess you're just not gonna know if Mike and Sully get Boo back to her door..."

23. Actually having to pay attention in math because your teacher always said, "What, do you really think you'll always have a calculator in the real world?!"

😏😏😏
Denisfilm / Getty Images

😏😏😏

24. Not having caller ID!!!

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Imagine picking up the phone and NOT ALREADY KNOWING who you were expecting to talk to.

25. Having to have a travel agent to go anywhere.

Umm...ARCHAIC!
Vm / Getty Images

Umm...ARCHAIC!

26. Asking people for their A/S/L.

Now with apps like Tinder and Bumble, we already know how many miles (or even feet) away you are. Both creepy and convenient!
AIM

Now with apps like Tinder and Bumble, we already know how many miles (or even feet) away you are. Both creepy and convenient!

27. Having to go to venues to buy concert tickets...?!?!?!?!

Like, are you KIDDING?!
Jonathan Daniel / Getty Images

Like, are you KIDDING?!

28. Having to share a phone number with your family.

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I can only imagine how ~strained~ my relationships with my family members would be if this was still a thing.

29. Having to memorize phone numbers...

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TBH the only phone numbers I still know are my mom's, my seventh-grade crush's, and 911.

30. ...or storing them in a plastic neon watch.

(I didn't know these even existed, but my millennial coworkers told me about them, so here we are.)
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(I didn't know these even existed, but my millennial coworkers told me about them, so here we are.)

31. Having to actually watch the news to get the news.

Paramount Pictures

Like, news didn't just ping on your phone and show up on your newsfeed. You had to stop what you were doing, sit down, and actually WATCH it.

32. And finally, NOT HAVING SQUATTY POTTYS!!!

HOW DID YOU MILLENNIALS DO IT?!?!?!?!?!?!
costco.co.uk

HOW DID YOU MILLENNIALS DO IT?!?!?!?!?!?!

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