1. You HAAAAAAAATE salads.
2. But you don't feel like eating hot animal carcass either, so.
3. On the off chance you do eat a salad, you make sure it's covered in croutons and CHEEEEEEEEESE!
4. You have a couple specific vegetables you'll tolerate.
5. Namely potatoes.
6. You're v into Trader Joe's and Whole Foods!!! 😍 😍 😍
7. And you consider yourself to be quite the ~meatless meat~ connoisseur.
8. Besides ~meatless meats~, your main food groups include pizza, pasta, Chinese food, Mexican food, Tofurky sausages, soup, and beer.
9. Regarding soup, nothing pisses you off more than WHEN PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT IF THERE'S CHICKEN BROTH IN A SOUP, IT'S NOT VEGETARIAN!!!
10. You spend a lot of time and money at Panera.
11. One of your parents constantly jokes that you're a "carb-etarian."
12. But you don't deny it because bread truly is what keeps you going.
13. You can't stand that LITERALLY EVERY VEGGIE OPTION EVER features an abundance of eggplant and/or portobello mushrooms.
14. You don't trust the culinary tomfoolery that is "zoodles."
15. The only culinary tomfoolery that IS actually worth your time is mashed cauliflower. DON'T @ ME!!!!!!!!
16. Everyone thinks you're "so healthy" just because you're a vegetarian.
17. But despite the constant vegetarian turmoil, you're all about protectin' animals and eatin' bread, so in the end, you're happy.
