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45 People Reveal The Weirdest Thing They Ever Stole In College

"My roommate and I stole a 'Speed Hump Ahead' sign. We thought it was funny because it said 'Speed Hump'."

So we asked all of our delinquent* BuzzFeed Community members to share the funniest things they've ever "stolen" during college. Without further ado, here are some of our fave Kollege Kleptos™:

*chill guys, it's, like, a joke!!!

1. Student IDs

2. Baby Jesus

"One time, my friends and I stole the baby Jesus from the nativity scene on campus. The school had a full investigation to try and find out who stole it. We had it for over four months and would secretly plug it in and use it as a night light."


3. A family pack of chicken breasts

"I once drunkenly walked out of a frat house with a family pack of frozen chicken breasts. And not like, a four pack either— this was an 18-pack of LARGE chicken breasts. I walked past the boy who was watching the door with it under my arm like a clutch bag." —lorank

4. Trump golf flags

"I went to school next to a Trump golf course. One night, my friend and I had drank a box of wine and decided to go play 'capture the flag.' We ended up stealing two Trump golf flags and still have them to this day. Glad we got to stick it to the man even if it was something small!" —laurena4eadea08b

5. A safety officer's cruiser

"One of my school's safety officers had the bad habit of running into emergencies and leaving his keys in the cruiser. Whenever we saw the keys in his ignition, we would park the car in the opposite direction, across the street, or just completely randomly (like in an empty bike rack or something) just to screw with him." —traceyw419425b98

6. A "Walter"

"I went to school in New York City, and one night, my friends and I ended up outside the Gap near Union Square. Employees were filling a dumpster with old signage and other equipment, and we made off with the lower half of a male mannequin (complete with significant bulge). We named him Walter and I used him as an accent table." —anotsmallgirl

7. A loaf of banana bread

"I stole an entire loaf of homemade banana bread from the frisbee team's house."


8. European beer glasses

"When we studied abroad, my roommates and I stole beer glasses from the coolest bars we visited across Europe. Now they're what we drink out of at home and we always have a great conversation starter!" —yarab2

9. An ~official~ portrait

"My freshman year, I went to the Washington D.C. Mardi Gras celebration because my friend was one of the princesses being presented. After the ball, an even more exclusive party was held for the event's elite, and we were invited. At the party, I stole the King of the Ball’s official portrait! I gave it to my best friend — the princess — and she put it on her bedside table in her dorm." —corab4003c6b0c

10. A ~flabongo~

"I stole a 'flabongo' which is a flamingo lawn ornament with an extra hole cut into it so it can be used to chug a significant amount of beer." —jburnickas

11. A gallon of TUMS

"I stole a gallon-size tub of TUMS. I told my friend to put it in my purse because I was 'lactose intolerant and had stomach problems.'" —calliejofunkh

12. A shot ski

"During my senior year, I went to a frat party and woke up the next morning with their shot ski. I have no idea how I got it home without anyone seeing me on our tiny campus!" —baileym4d6e75066

13. A ~real~ Christmas tree

"My freshman year roommate was appalled that I'd never had a real Christmas tree, so she decided to hike up a big ass hill with a handsaw (and two frat boys) to lob off the top of an evergreen for me. She even decorated it with lights, garlands, and resident hall condoms." —steelerlady382201

14. Doorknobs

"I stole the doorknobs off of every door on my floor. Then, I wrote on the residence hall Facebook, 'I'M NOT KIDDING WHO STOLE MY DOOR KNOB?!?!' and got a bunch of responses like, 'OMG US TOO!' Finally, the dorm had to order everyone new doorknobs and I ended up taking the originals home and making them into Christmas ornaments." —gilliana41ef45ca1

15. 25 mini plastic flamingos

"Stole 25 mini plastic flamingos from the school's main lawn. Not sure what they were for or why we stole them, but we named EVERY. SINGLE. ONE". —sarah72724

16. A cherry pie

"After donating blood at the annual school blood drive, I stole an entire cherry pie from the dining hall. I used the blood donor shirt they gave me to hide it!" —nicole512

17. The letter "O"

"My roommate found the letter 'O' lying on the ground and decided it’d be an interesting statement piece. Our school had a 'P ST OFFICE' for the next three years." —keelyp

18. 100 frozen hot dogs

"My friend stole a box of LITERALLY 100 frozen hot dogs from a frat party." —kaylam4d52481c0

19. A pledge's Code of Ethics book

"I stole one of a frat's code of ethics books that they give to all new pledges! It had helpful instructions on how to be a 'gentleman'. LOL!" —kristins48783c495

20. A LOT of toilet paper

"My best friend and I were so poor in college that when we'd run out of toilet paper at our apartment, we’d unroll entire rolls of toilet paper from the school bathrooms into plastic bags and bring them home. I donated $25 to the school after paying off my student loan, so I think we can call it even." —laurynk4257c98bb

21. Paco the traffic cone

"One time, a group of friends and I were driving back from a late night study session and we thought it'd be hilarious to take an orange traffic cone from some of the road work being done near our college. We named the cone Paco and then broke into our favorite professor's backyard and left it for her to find. She had us all sign the cone and still has Paco in her office almost ten years later!" —stephanier40424e991

22. A man's heart

"I stole a football blocking pad, $1,000 worth of bean bag chairs, and a man’s heart." —ameliad4901c2236

23. A loose brick

"I stole a loose brick from the campus walkway. I was annoyed that no one was fixing all those loose bricks, so I took one and used it as a doorstop when needed." —naomiz


24. A lilac branch

"I was walking home from the bar one night, very drunk, and I passed a Lilac bush. It smelled so fucking good that I grabbed a huge branch and took it home."


25. One of those inflatable dancing guys you see at car dealerships

"A fraternity on my campus got one of those inflatable tube men that you see at car dealerships and spent, like, a STUPID amount of money on it. My friend and I thought it would be funny to steal it and set it up in front of their rival fraternity's house to cause some ~drama~. When we got it to the other frat, however, we couldn't find a plug and so we just ended up hiding it under my bed." —gradeha

26. Just... all of it

"I was known as a bit of a klepto in college. I stole a lion statue, a fraternity picture composite, an American flag, a 'Slippery When Wet' sign, and all of the ornaments off a frat’s Christmas tree." —ashtynv

27. A tub of ice cream

"One night at the dining hall, we noticed our friend's torso was the same length as the tubs of ice cream at the self-serve station. A small group of us crowded around him and the ice cream, we lifted a tub up, and put it under his shirt." —linneam

28. Rival school car magnets

"I went to college at Auburn University and our biggest rival is Alabama (obviously, unless you live under a rock and didn’t know). My roommate and I would steal those magnetic car magnets from every Bama fan we saw in town. Pretty soon, we had a nice collection and we often gave them as gifts to people we knew who were Bama fans." —andreac49fd8e91a

29. 71 spoons

"I stole exactly 71 spoons from the dining hall. Don’t ask." —chekkatravels

30. Things that doubled as bongs

"In college, I stole a metal tea kettle and a lawn flamingo (both of which became bongs), and a giant road construction sign that said 'Men at Work' that I soon changed to 'Women at Work'." —samanthah4d80e78de

31. A Milli Vanilli tape

"I stole a Milli Vanilli tape from a fraternity party." —denisewagnerg

32. Seven wet floor signs

"I’ve stolen seven wet floor signs. That’s right. Seven." —jonathanm4f3961c26

33. A metal mascot

"My senior year, my friends and I stole a giant metal sign of our mascot (a lumberjack). I had it hidden in my closet for six months before I passed it down to someone else when I graduated." —katherinet11

34. A $1 lightbulb

"My friend and I were super drunk one night at a house party and he ended up stealing a lightbulb straight out of the overhead light. He ran off with it, gave it to me, then ran off again, and somehow, I sold it to him for $1." —baileykayb2

35. Cheese slices

"At a frat party I went to, the hosts were TOTAL jerks. As revenge, I cracked open the fridge and ripped open a brand new package of sliced cheese, tossed half the slices in my purse, and left." —miloventimigliasgirlfriend

36. Frats' TV remotes

"I always stole TV remotes from frat houses! I loved picturing the guys fighting over who lost the remote the next day." —jessicaf4b7ec4310

37. 31 decorative pumpkins

"Around Halloween during my freshman year, the dining hall had a ton of decorative pumpkins. I made a bet with my friend who could steal more of them, and, well... I ended up taking a total of 31 pumpkins. I never got caught." —kateg49db5d6d5


38. A fork (BY ACCIDENT!!!)

"My sophomore year, I had a winter coat that had magnets to close it. I got back to my room to find that a fork from the dining hall had stuck to one of the magnets. I still have it to this day!" —carolynj406365e68

39. A "Speed Hump Ahead" sign... teehee!

"My roommate and I stole a 'Speed Hump Ahead' sign. We thought it was funny because it said 'Speed Hump'." —jessicar423305f48

40. A plastic dinosaur to win back a lady

"My boyfriend got pretty drunk with his buddies at homecoming and decided to wander across campus. In their adventures, they discovered a distraught young man who had been dumped by his girlfriend. Somehow, they all decided that stealing the large plastic dinosaur lawn decoration out in front of the student health center and presenting it to her would win her back. That’s exactly what they did. It didn’t work." —annabelle86

41. Lots of not-chocolate cake

"In my college cafeteria, they used to set out whole cakes. When one cake was gone, they’d bring out another that was usually a different flavor. One day, my friends and I wanted chocolate cake, but the cafeteria workers had just set out a carrot cake. We decided to take the carrot cake and hide it under the table. Then they brought out lemon, so we took that too. Then poppy seed. Took it. Then FINALLY chocolate!!! I assume they found the cakes under the table later that night." —kfinchgnehm

42. Plastic gloves for multiple purposes

"I used to steal plastic gloves from chemistry class to use for home cleaning." —cecikj

43. An eight ball

"The guys in my residence hall always hogged the pool table, so on my last day, I stole the eight ball and ruined it for everyone. I still have it!" —mrb1986

44. A "threatening" shopping cart

"My roommate and I once stole a shopping cart, and during room inspection, our RA wrote us up with a fine that said, 'The candle poses as a threat. As does the shopping cart.'" —kimberlyjoa

45. And lastly, a tree of cones

"My roommate and I stole some traffic cones that later served as our Christmas tree. Also pictured is our dear inflatable penis who, fittingly, was eventually stolen." —erostrow

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Some of these answers have been edited for length and/or clarity.

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