1."When I was a kid, my father told me about 'the can.' He said it contained a family secret of incredible value, and that when I turned 18, I could see it. On my 18th birthday, I asked my father about the can. He said 'The fuck is the can?' and after I reminded him of it, he burst out laughing, saying that he was fucking with me. For almost a decade, I believed that I would be privy to some cosmic secret on my 18th birthday. Turns out I'm just very impressionable."
2."When I was little, my mom told me if I didn't finish my dinner, my stomach would get very hungry and come up and eat my brain. A few nights later, I woke her up at midnight crying because my stomach growled and I needed a second dinner or it would eat my brain."
3."My parents said that my siblings and I had a sister named Alice. Apparently, she wouldn't stop talking in the car, so they dropped her off on the side of the road. We never spoke on road trips ever again."
5."Around the time that Toy Story first came out, my dad drove an Infiniti and he told us that he could press a button and go 'to infinity and beyond' to jump over other cars. He'd have us close our eyes and press the button and he’d speed up and pass the car in front of us while our eyes were closed. As a kid, I thought he was magic."
7."My birthday is the 11th of July. The gas station 7-Eleven gives away free slushies on 7/11. When I was 7, 8, and 9 years old, my parents just told me that the 7-Eleven wanted to celebrate my birthday by giving me free slushies, and I did not question it. I thought the gas station just really liked me!"
12."They told me kids came from a government agency called the CAA (Child Assignment Agency) and that they could exchange me whenever they want if I misbehaved. They told me they were eyeing a 'well-behaved little girl' but hadn't decided yet. They used it against me for years."