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15 Job Résumé Fails To Talk About By The Water Cooler

"I'll bring your company to new heights, or whatever."

1. This subtle *wink wink* negotiator:

2. Just, this:

I present to you a real, actual resume my office has received

3. This hypothetical applicant who just might be Groot:

4. This little pony who graduated with highest honors:

5. This résumé from Eric, who promises to "bring your company to new heights, or whatever":

6. This generally nefarious dude:

7. This guy who's still waiting to hear if he made it into NSYNC:

8. Nice, dooooood:

9. Who needs a résumé when you've got these FACTS?!?!?!?!

10. GIVE. 👏 JOB. 👏 PLS. 👏

11. This guy with a degree in creative writing and too much time on his hands:

12. This applicant whose hobbies include donating her hair to charity one time:

13. This ~most awesome~ résumé:

14. This person whose references were unavailable "BECAUSE THEY WERE ALL BURNED UP IN A FIRE":

15. And finally Vanessa, who I sincerely hope gets hired on the spot: