*6-year-old girl rolls around floor in clean leggings*
Counselor, imitating camper's voice: "I'm Ava, I like to roll around in my clean leggings."
Camper, imitating counselor's voice: "I'm Gabby, I like to wear hoochie shorts."
Camper 1: "I don't like my counselor."
Camper 2: "Flex your butt-cheeks when you sit on her then."
*Campers prepare to roast marshmallows*
Camper: "I have to verbally roast my marshmallow first."
*Camper walks away with marshmallow; recites 'Yo Mama' jokes to it*
*Smell of weed trickles onto campground*
Camper: “It smells like my mommy’s brownies!”
*Group of campers make wishes on stars*
Camper: "Oh man, I just wished on a helicopter."
Camper: "What time is it?"
Me: "Time for you to get a watch!"
Camper: "Time for you to get a husband."
“I have to sit out today because I just took a big poop and my butthole hurts.”
*Campers wander off on a hiking trip and remain missing for five minutes*
*Counselors find campers*
Girl campers: "That was fun!"
Boy camper: "...They told me that if we didn’t get found, they were going to eat me first.”
Counselor: "Okay, you really need to take a shower."
Camper: "Dirt is the cleanest thing in the world because dirt can't get dirty. Since I am covered in dirt, I am clean."
*Campers freak out about a giant spider in cabin*
*Camper picks it up and heroically brings it outside*
Camper, whispering to herself: “I feel like Bindi the Jungle Girl.”
“I don’t wanna talk about ducks. I wanna talk about the patriarchy and racism!!”
“Can I go to the bathroom? I put a bug down my pants and I don’t want him anymore.”
*Campers assign roles for a cabin skit*
Camper 1: "...And counselors, can you just be, like, in the background?"
Counselor: "You mean you're not even gonna give us characters?"
Camper 2: "Fine. You guys can be shrubbery with identity crises.”
Camper: "Do you have a boyfriend?"
Camper: "Well then, I’m gonna call you 'Single Pringle'!”
*Camper plays basketball*
*Counselor sees camper make basket*
Counselor: "Nailed it!"
Camper: “I nailed your mom!”
*Camper explains why rom-coms are her favorite movies*
“...I guess that’s just my fetish.”
Camper 1: "From now on, let's refer to our private parts as our lady tacos, okay?"
Camper 2: "...My lady taco has hair.”
"It's 100% possible to get pregnant by eating powdered baby formula. It's, like, common knowledge."