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Astrologically Speaking, "The Bachelor" Plot Twist Tooooootally Makes Sense

Was this whole thing written in the stars?

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As everyone who pledges allegiance to Bachelor Nation knows, gaping butthole of a man Arie Luyyendwhatever Jr. called off his engagement with Becca K. to be with Lauren B. A true TRA-👏 -VE-👏 -STY. 👏

ABC

Well, I've consulted the stars about this one, and lemme tell ya: IT. ALL. MAKES. SENSE.

It me.

First of all, Arie here is a Virgo.

Positive traits: Analytical, kind, hardworking, practicalNegative traits: Shy, overly critical, picky, anxious
abc.go.com

Positive traits: Analytical, kind, hardworking, practical

Negative traits: Shy, overly critical, picky, anxious

His almost-bride-to-be, Becca, is an Aries.

Positive traits: Energetic, active, courageous, enterprisingNegative traits: Egotistical, impatient, proud, short-tempered
abc.go.com

Positive traits: Energetic, active, courageous, enterprising

Negative traits: Egotistical, impatient, proud, short-tempered

And Lauren, the runner up and ~other woman~, is a Scorpio.

Positive traits: Passionate, resourceful, brave, intenseNegative traits: Jealous, secretive, untrusting, conniving
abc.go.com

Positive traits: Passionate, resourceful, brave, intense

Negative traits: Jealous, secretive, untrusting, conniving

Let's talk about WHY all this makes sense, shall we?

ABC / Via otrc.com

Being a Virgo, Arie probably picked Becca because he saw her as the "practical" option, given that, on paper, she seemed like his "ideal woman". (Which let's recognize as FUCKED UP.)

ABC

However, Arie was always going on about how attracted he was to Lauren, a Scorpio. Interestingly, each sign is ruled by a part of the body, and Scorpio just so happens to be ruled by the GENITALS. Funny how Arie seems to be ruled by his even though he's a Virgo!!!

instagram.com

With that being said, a Virgo-Scorpio union DOES make a lot of sense...

ABC

Virgos and Scorpz are both extremely deep thinkers and very tactile. They have a lot of soul, and seem to have some sort of ~unspoken connection~ which was clear given the, uh, simple vernacular they engaged in when together.

...and in a Virgo-Aries relationship, Virgo would have all the power. :/

ABC

Since Virgos are more pragmatic than Arians, they usually have more leverage in the relationship. And while there can be immediate magnetism at first, the length of the relationship in uncertain. This was sadly proven true by last night's "unedited, real time" footage.

But now the question is, will our scorned Scorp Lauren take back Arie after he left her for another woman?! Scorpios are famous for holding grudges... and getting revenge.

ABC

Honestly though, if I was reading Lauren's cards going into tonight's episode...

  1. So who do you think Arie should end up with?

    So who do you think Arie should end up with?
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Becca the Aries
    Via abc.go.com
    Becca the Aries
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Lauren the Scorpio
    Via abc.go.com
    Lauren the Scorpio
    Correct
    Incorrect
    This bowling ball #NeverForget
    Via ABC
    This bowling ball #NeverForget
    Via ABC
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Chris Harrison, the Leo (since Chris is the only one he shared EVERYTHING with ANYWAY.)
    Via abc.go.com
    Chris Harrison, the Leo (since Chris is the only one he shared EVERYTHING with ANYWAY.)
Oops. Something went wrong. Please try again later
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So who do you think Arie should end up with?
  1. Becca the Aries
     
    vote votes
    Becca the Aries
  2. Lauren the Scorpio
     
    vote votes
    Lauren the Scorpio
  3. This bowling ball #NeverForget
     
    vote votes
    This bowling ball #NeverForget
  4. Chris Harrison, the Leo (since Chris is the only one he shared EVERYTHING with ANYWAY.)
     
    vote votes
    Chris Harrison, the Leo (since Chris is the only one he shared EVERYTHING with ANYWAY.)
  1. And do you think Lauren will take Arie back after all of this?

    And do you think Lauren will take Arie back after all of this?
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Yes
    Correct
    Incorrect
    No
Oops. Something went wrong. Please try again later
Looks like we are having a problem on the server.
And do you think Lauren will take Arie back after all of this?
  1.  
    vote votes
  2.  
    vote votes
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