Recently, we asked the BuzzFeed Community what popular life advice they disagree with. Here are some of the strongly-held opinions we received:
1. "Love is never having to say you're sorry."
"No, that's abuse. Love is compromise, hard work, and a commitment to each other. Learning when to apologize is incredibly important to any healthy relationship."
2. "Someone else has it worse."
"Yeah, probably! That doesn't invalidate my suffering. Is only the single most downtrodden person on earth allowed to feel sad?"
3. "Good things come to those who wait."
"No, good things come to those who work hard and make things happen for themselves."
4. "Follow you heart."
"The heart can be really deceitful. Follow your instinct instead."
5. "Nothing good comes easy."
"I've heard this said mostly in the context of relationships. Love shouldn't be hard; it shouldn't be backbreaking drama. No one is worth that. When I stopped listening to that, dating got easier."
6. “Treat others how you want to be treated.”
"In the first grade classroom I work in, one kid kept touching other students' hair, and when they got upset, he would say it was okay because they could touch his hair too. We changed the golden rule to treat others how THEY want to be treated to make it more clear!"
7. “If you like him, don’t kiss him until the third date. Play hard to get.”
"Okay, that is such a wholly objective statement. First of all, if I like a guy, I’m going to kiss him. Life’s too short, you know? Also, what 1950s oppressed women’s manual is this from? When will this die?"
8. "You're perfect just the way you are."
"Although you shouldn't alter your personality completely, there is always an opportunity to improve yourself. No one is absolutely perfect and you should always work to be kinder, more caring, etc. It's important to realize this in order for personal growth to occur."
9. "You can do anything you put your mind to."
"No, I can't, as I'm disabled. Instead, tell me that what I can manage is enough."
10. "Never go to sleep angry."
"This is still very common advice given to couples, and it's often the reason resentment builds. Sleeping on a problem can help you gain clarity on a situation, leading you to react out of logic instead of the initial emotional response."
11. "Work smarter, not harder."
"In theory, this sounds great! But in practice, I find it’s more of an excuse for people to cut corners."
12. “Choose happiness.”
"As a person who's dealt with depression for years, you can fuck right off with that one."
13. “You never know what’s going to happen.”
"Actually, I think you probably have a pretty good idea of what is going to happen most of the time."
14. "Time heals all wounds."
"Time may lessen the hurt, but sometimes you never fully heal."
15. “If you love something, let it go.”
"Why would I do that? I love my boyfriend, but I’m not gonna break up with him???"
16. "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."
"Sure, don't be a dick just to be a dick. Or because you're just 'sooooo honest.' But DO speak out on not-so-nice things, especially now in this climate of sharing traumatic sexual harassment experiences and finding paths to healing and forgiveness. Say all the uncomfortable, not-so-nice things. Speak up when something or someone is in the wrong. You don't have to be polite about it. And you don't have to apologize."
17. “Mind over matter.”
"I was always told this growing up, then when I went to college, I went through a traumatic experience and developed PTSD. Suddenly my mind — and how it was working and processing — was the matter. Downplaying mental health and the power that the mind holds is detrimental to overall health, stability, and well-being."
18. "Never look back."
"It may be because I'm a historian and therefore biased, but looking back at what you've done is actually a good thing. Not only will it teach you good moral lessons for the future, but it will also help you realize you have achieved more than you might think!"
19. “Turn the other cheek.”
"If someone hurts you, whether physically or psychologically, I will not just lie down helplessly and take the beating. I will stand up for myself. I will not just let it slide."
20. "Marry someone who loves you more than you love them."
"Why would you want to enter a lifelong commitment knowing you don't love your partner to the max? Why would you turn love into a competition?!"
21. “Everyone deserves a second chance.”
"If someone is really awful to you, you don’t owe them any more of your time."
22. “Leave your problems at the door."
"I’m all for a fresh start and a bright attitude, but encouraging the suppression of emotions or personal struggles for the sake of 'fake happy' just fosters mental illness and lifetime struggles. Be open and honest with how you’re feeling. Chances are expressing your struggle will relieve some stress."
23. “Keep your nose to the grindstone.”
“I burned myself out several times by following that advice before. I learned that listening to my mind and body is far more effective."
24. "Money can't buy happiness."
"People who say this have obviously never be in a situation where you can't do something because of money. Sure, money doesn't fix everything, but it certainly would be nice not having to stress about it."
25. “You must love yourself before anyone else can.”
“While I do think that loving yourself is important and does help a relationship, there are many people in strong, committed relationships that do not yet love themselves."
26. “Respect your elders.”
“I give everyone the same amount of respect no matter their age. And sometimes, old people are really, really grumpy and stuck-up because they think they just deserve all this respect."
27. "Everything happens for a reason."
"So many horrible things happen in this world that cannot possibly be justified."
28. “Forgive and forget.”
"If you forgive, there was a lesson learned, peace made, and perspectives viewed. You overcame an obstacle, came to terms with the infliction, and were able to understand why. Always forgive, never forget."
29. "Bad decisions make good memories."
"Absolutely false. Every bad decision I've ever made was followed by bad results! YOU CAN STILL MAKE FUN AND ADVENTUROUS MEMORIES WITHOUT HARMING YOUR WELL-BEING!!!!"
30. "Family comes first."
"Sometimes this is true, but sometimes family members are destructive. If you find yourself being hurt, shoved aside, taken advantage of, and generally abused by someone who's only reason for being in your life is that they are family, then it's okay to cut them out of your life."
31. “Be content with yourself and you can be content anywhere."
"Your surroundings definitely influence your state of being. I was living in Chicago and I hated the cold and general miserableness of the Midwest. Then I got married and moved to Ireland where it is temperate and green all year round. I feel so much more liberated!"
32. “Don’t let your emotions get the best of you.”
"My emotions are valid and important to me, and so are everyone else’s. They shouldn't be ignored or shoved aside."
33. “The difference between a good day and a bad day is your outlook."
"Basically, I think advice that uses 'happiness bullying' can be destructive: It tells people to ignore legitimate pain for the purpose of making other people comfortable. I think positivity has a time and a place, and optimism can be a great way to get yourself through something, but forcing people to grin and bear it is neither healthy nor helpful."
34. "Live in the moment."
"This is always yelled right before someone does something stupid. I feel as though it’s just an excuse to not think about the consequences of their actions."
35. “It is what it is.”
"There are some situations in life that are beyond our control, but it’s your choice how to respond to it. This phrase is just an excuse to abdicate any responsibility. I can’t change it, so I’m just going to accept it. There are some situations where this is true, but so many more where people can change their circumstances if they only try."
36. “Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer.”
"I’ve never understood the logic of keeping a potentially toxic person as your friend. What for? To use them? It doesn’t make any sense at all."
37. “Don’t burn your bridges."
“There may be plenty of toxic people that need to be cut out of your life. Remember, you can always build a new bridge somewhere else, somewhere better."