1.
i realized that “oh neptune” in Spongebob means “oh god” because Neptune is the god of the sea https://t.co/593QbZF4TL
2.
what if u cracked ur knuckles and ur fingers started to glow like glow sticks
3.
Damn hitting a bong uses all four elements
4.
why did US schools teach us how to square dance in the fourth grade what was the reason
5.
Anxiety is just spicy thoughts
6.
Ever wonder how many ghosts you’ve hit with your car?
7.
what if ‘females’ was pronounced like tamales
8.
Someone made up dinosaur sounds without ever hearing them
9.
Every white dude made a rap song with his friends in a basement in 2008 that would ruin his life if reavealed today
10.
Kidneys are just body Britas
11.
I fucking love toast, what absolute genius took a bite of bread and was like "cook it again", unreal
12.
It’s impossible to buy a mirror that isn’t used
13.
triscuits are the perfect snack for anyone who has ever wanted to eat wicker furniture
14.
dude imagine being a bug and accidentally getting stuck in a car and driving far af away from everything you know
15.
Ever had a dream with someone in it who didn't quite make sense? They were in your life, but not on a dream level? Like, I don't know why I'm drowning in this car submerged in a lake, but I especially don't know why I'm doing it with you, girl from my junior year sociology class.
16.
can’t believe I just have to keep dating until someone likes me back or I die
17.
crocs but thigh high
18.
justin bieber really said “swag, swag, swag on you. chillin by the fire while we eatin fondue” and we just let him
19.
how did chucky manage to murder so many people??? just pick him up and yeet him in the bin. he's a doll
20.
Why does Kid Rock look like Dr. Phil dressed up as Kid Rock
21.
One time at a party sophomore year I asked a guy if I could hit his vape and he said “this is my insulin pen, I have diabetes” and I think about it everyday
22.
katy perry really asked us if we ever felt like a plastic bag. she really asked us that
23.
what if u spelled jeff like jephph
24.
do u ever wanna take a nap but the nap doesn’t wanna take u
25.
i just read something like 'hey you know how long 2018 has been? we had an olympics this year and everybody forgot about it.' and i just stared off into the distance like